Wednesday, May 28, 2008

"Dream About The Days To Come" - 1 (POST SCRIPT)




Seeing that face again
just about melted me.
And the gifts on top of
the lunch and kisses
were just too much
for one day's pleasure.
But I'll happily take it
and cherish every second
of it no matter what.
I am so thrilled
to have seen
you today.
For the last 14 days
i've had an idea,
but only an idea
of you along with
pictures to remind
me of our life.
But now with you
here, my heart
is about to
burst!

Your eyes glow
and inspire me
So nice to gaze into them
again and know that
they are looking into mine.
So easy. Both of us.
Too easy to think.
"For you're oh, so,
easy to love"
And it's so true.
Once you've found
the fit, you've found them.

Still searching. Always
for our meaning. For the
whys, the wants, and what ifs.
It takes so long to forget and
so little to remember- a strange
trick all these lives can play on us.
But i see the fresh air blowing your hair
and the lingering aurora of another
world, clinging to you, holding
on. I will treasure the japa mala
and what you did to get them.
I dont know anyone in the world
that would have done that for me.
You'll never know how much it means.
But if you read all that was poured out
onto the pages, you might have a glimmer
of it all. You'll know.
You've changed me.
I won't go back now.
Perhaps what i've been
searching for I found
today in a little bistro
on High. Exuding beauty
Fresh. New. Knowing love,
and looking into mine...

Monday, May 26, 2008

"Dream About The Days To Come" - 14



(Thus concludes my 14 day search for whatever came my way. Originally this was one piece when thinking about LVE's departure and everything else, but now i've written a piece every day she's been away. Focusing on everything singular in my life while appreciating everything connected in this universe. Here we are. Have a safe flight home tomorrow!)



I can't say
what you've experienced
But I wish i could
have experienced it
too.
And i will.
I am oblivious to
what you might have
and what it might have
done to you.
To us.
Perhaps it's all
changed for you.
It hasn't for me

And yet, it has...
This has made me
focus on all
of you. But also
has made me focus on myself
On what i believe
versus what they think
i should believe. I've
learned why i am going
through life. I've learned
deep down that i need a
companion. But I've also,
once in a great while, need
a night to myself to
enjoy the simple pleasures
of life. To find who i am,
to find a little more
about myself. You've said
that i am an enigma to
you. I am also an enigma
to myself, i regret to inform.
Always trying to find where my
mind will wonder next, where
i will travel in thought.
What new world will be
un-covered, what new page will
be filled, and what new adventure
will be fulfilled. I hope, upon
your return, you will not
sneer at the idea of
seeing me - coming back
to life in the one-world
country. (nicely put by-the-way)
I hope you see the big open heart
full of life instead of
the old life, and old
people, and old guy you
must face. I hope you
took more than pictures.
Please share it all with
me. Nothing too personal, but
tell me what they have that
we need. Anything, albeit
single, complex, a seedling,
a mountain.

And let us dream, for i've
dreamed for days of this
day, and i've let the realities
the moments awake on
thought capture themselves
on paper, but i've kept
the dreams in my mental
notebook, the one with the
endless pages, bound in
red leather, with gold lining
all created in my mind.
Dreams not only about your return
but of the future, the
change of future
the nights to come,
dates to see movies
dinners to fill up on
wine to drown in
and kisses to
that make us say
"i've forgotten how much
i love kissing you!"




Or none of it, pondering on
what the future holds. But
no matter what he holds, i
dream of love and imagine
it the way (i think) it should
be. And all I ask is that
you do the same with
me.


Come with me
so we may run,
and glow, and discover,
and search, and search, and search,
and find, and arouse, and admire, and drink, and watch
and baffle, and break, and cry, and heal, and challenge,
and cheer, and applaud, and change, and sing, and clear
and conspire, and convince, and warm, and defy, and demand,
and entice, and escape, and flirt, and rehearse, and object, and obey,
and observe, and melt, and mend, and please, and protect,
and protect you again, and again from them, and work,
and play, and show, and tell,
and dance, and act,
and build,
and kiss,
and love,
and
dream
about
the
days
to come.

"One more time,
let me kiss you,
dream about the days to come..."



the end

"Dream About The Days To Come" - 13

Alone! Finally!
This happens
so much to me,
putting myself
out there. In front
of people. Working,
playing, entertaining.
All with others.
Then there is a
breaking point,
usually when sleep
becomes erratic.
Tonight however,
your narrator
decided against the
crowd or the friend.
Instead i took
this night to myself
To clean out.
To have
hard-earned fun.
Solitary,
to do what i want, and
only what I want.
Sounds selfish,
but it was
a chance
to feel
fresh.

A chance to
get back
in-touch
with myself,
a chance to
please my mind and body
and to think about
whatever might
come to mind
Taking time out
to rest, then enjoy
a lone night
out, a date with
yourself. And I was
lucky, because
i am a fun date.
So i enjoyed my company.

It was out to stores
for little shopping,
then night capped off
with a movie
back at the same
theatre as last night
popcorn, soda,
and the same movie
(because i wanted
to see it a second time
soooo bad!!! And I
usually will only go
once to a movie, but
i plan on seeing
this a few more
times.) And a
calm drive home.
What fun!
To feel independent from
work, school, home
and have
a nice moment
to myself.

It might be a
while before i
need another
but they come
when needed.
Rarely, but the
decision is always
made when things
feel out-of-whack.

As for my sleeping
"sich" (in LVE & Companys'
new Indian language, i hope i
am minutely entitled to share it)
I plan on a
peaceful deep
slumber

Sweet Dreams...

Saturday, May 24, 2008

"Dream About The Days To Come" - 12

A full movie
theatre. Action,
beauty, nostalgia
playing on the screen
I sat in silence,
still. Very still,
lonely. Very still.
But I noticed my
surrounding never
stopped. Using the
restroom ten times
constant trips to
refill the popcorn
and soda. And one
glutton, obnoxious,
prick right out of south jersey
just walked around, unable
to sit still.
Really?
We can't even enjoy
the movie without people
carrying on with their
busy lives?
So rushed, so
fast-lived, we've forgotten
how to stop.
STOP!!!!

But we can't stop and sit
We must flute our asses
around a movie theatre...
For what? Attention?
Because you won't
get any- considering
90% of this theatre is
just as bad as you all are.
But maybe some attention...
maybe...
...an entry for today.

It's time we re-learn
and rediscover how to
appreciate
art of the cinema.
patience.
Stopping our lives and putting
ourselves in the place our
actors take
us.
Let them
take you
away...
they will

But we can't anymore
We now have a subconscious
disrespect and ignorance
because of our "too-busy"
lives.
Must move...far away...soon...

Everyday is so full
of inspiration
You never know
when the perfect
subject will
come about

It's all a matter of finding
it. The rest of the job
is left to the pen-in-hand.

Friday, May 23, 2008

"Dream About The Days To Come" - 11

I am exhausted
Someone, long past my years,
asked about you today...

"Are you married?"
"No..."
"No, I didn't think you were. Do you have a girlfriend?"
"Yes ma'am"
"Are you two going steady?"

Steady? Going Steady?
Must be some terminology,
some slang they once
used in their time.
Yet something deep
in the far reaches of my
subconscious tells me it's meaning
I've used this phrase before
I've used it many times
It must have been in a past life
One we must have lived together.
I used this phrase when they asked
about us in that life...
So since i've used this
slang before regarding our
relationship in some other
far reach of time
I decided to use my same
answer:

"Yes, we're going steady"

And it flowed out the same way
comfortably, as if i've been using
the phrase all of my life
Is it strange then, that i've never
uttered the phrase?
Is it strange then,
that by some other
out-dated "status" we now fit?
Is it strange love?
No.

We're going steady...
...as they say...
...or we say...
...or said...

"Dream About The Days To Come" - 10

Another Day, moments
wasted slowly. I
despise these days,
where we go through
the motions. We forget
to appreciate all we
love. We are
taken back to
the boring dark
days when the
life was dry
When we felt
so lonely.

I remember them.
But now - so quiet
So serene. We see
the calmness of these days
What is left now?
We see fate slowly
closing in on us
Sleep traps us at times
He entices us in
pulls us closer.
Who knows what the day meant.
Slept away, then school,
then a phone call to a
friend. A sheer moment
of light happiness.
A reminder that i have
a wonderful life.

Remember... our
lives are wonderful,
no matter the track,
the reasons, the trials.
No matter the moments
I see us and its a
wonderful life.

It won't be long
I just need time
this is the bandit
of our lives. It's all
theory. Aging is the only
truth in life, and even
that becomes more shallow
as time (or whatever it is in the universe)
carries on.

Slowly, the longer this takes
the more i forget.
Sad, i know
But once i hear our
songs- the flood of
memories, of feelings
of love together rush back in.
I will forget briefly, making the
reminder more fluid and deeper
I look for you now. Perhaps thats what
my search has adjusted to.
You aren't just a person, but
you are a world to me.
You are music, beautiful music,
you are wine
food
air
sex
life
stars
so much
I might need to
live off of nothing.
Am I dependent?
No, selfish? no
but must i say,
my seasonal prayer has been answered.
I always pray during the winter,
for spring to come
and you have

"Dream About The Days To Come" - 9

I have a search
in me. Its a gene.
I wonder if anyone else
in my line is the same?
Scares me. They don't
succeed very far. They
are all the same. So
sometimes I go
further than they
have...and i take a
step back
and try to calculate
if i am able to be as
great as i want to be. I
see myself going far
but none of them have.
am i any of them?
Can i go further. I mean
I already have...further than
all of men who made me
and i am still young. I'm
ready for greatness...

Scary is it?
Don't be afraid
The search is
closing in.
The time is
getting shorter
The countdown
gets older
The hair
grayer- strange
I just say gray
in the mirror this morning.
There is more to this world
that we can imagine.
Which is good
but we often search
for it. What do we find?
Is it being found?

"Dream About The Days To Come" - 8

I am
writing all over
the page today,
waiting for them
to come. To let me
serve them. So many
people in my life. They
have been so good to me
Here, I give back, polietly
Honestly, I give back
ALl of them, they come
before me. And now
I put them before
me. I hope that
at this point
they find
happiness in
the kind
words
that i
offer them.
I really do.

I suddenly have realized that we are at the halfway point
on the notebook. Because i keep everything written down
in a notebook. Before i publish, i write it out. In ink on
paper. No typing. Nothing new. The same way man has
communicated his thoughts for hundreds of years.
I am still here. I feel it now. Now it is sinking in. You
really are THAT FAR AWAY. And further today. But this is
all written in the seam, the middle, where the two
halves make a whole. And where we realize we are half
way through our time apart. You said you didn't want to
return home. You must take your time. Settle. Let the
two halves make a whole. As ours have.

"Dream About The Days To Come" - 7

(1) early morning

Papers posted, a
certain message that
i reluctantly blew off
but slowly makes more
sense now. I feel connected
to all of them
It reads:
"We may not have it all together
but together we have it all"
When you are near me
when i feel you
or
when your words
are sent to me across
the planet, across
what now is time
and very much space
They are my new days
My breaths. They are
me- together
with you
I will be the first
to admit that i don't have
it all together, but i
will admit that
together -
and i dont know how you
feel,- but i know that
together- i am full.
you must feel the same way
Together i am no longer
searching alone
I feel that the search
births together

I never knew my
little search while
you were away,
my search to open up
to find whatever came my way
would lead me to God,
an intimate personal God
An awakening between
what i believe
and what they think i "should" believe
A search that brought me farther
from you than i've
ever been,
and closer to you
than i've ever imagined.
No one ever taught
me what true
pleasure is
They all taught me
me that pleasure
in any shape or for
must be an abomination -
at my age at least

Teach me what it is
help me find it
don't let me search it alone...
-------------------------
(2) midday

we communicated today
so nice to have one-on-one
without worrying if the other person
opens the sent message
oh for the love of technology
how marvelous
it has been
every word read from your
finger tips.
our conversation
our connection
even if it is only electronic...
1AM tuesday
3:30PM monday over here
I am still baffled by the time
i miss you but i feel your
words close to me I see the pictures
the water the sunsets the trees and most
lustfully, the location. So far from
all of them, so isolated. But we
all know what an exotic locale
can do to those isolated there
We've been there before

"If you try, you'll find me
Where the skies reach the sea
here am I, your special island
come to me, come to me" r&h
-------------------------
7(3) - NIGHT


PRINCIPLES OF MARKETING - BUS 221 - E1
Instructor: ROBERT POWELL
Instructional Center Rm. 432
6PM-9:10PM
MAY 19TH - JUNE 5TH, 2008
SUMMER SESSION #1
TAKEN FOR YOU
-
I could have taken
something less effort-some
but you recommended it
and i trust you with these things
i should
do this.

I am sitting here now
gray slacks
blue sweater over a white
button up with blue stripes
brown shoes, gray, slightly
balding
typical college professor
they say he is good.
but i'm guessing he's nothing
special, but we all know, however
to not follow first impressions...
sometimes
He hasn't spoken yet.
Glasses
smart?
This is for you love.
Sailing easy
The first class
i've taken out of
love for another person
Soft-voice
laid-back
easy going

here we go...

Monday, May 19, 2008

"Dream About The Days To Come" - 6

church today

"How to find Truth"
was the message of the
day. Telling me that
if you believe in what we
teach you will be called
intolerant, narrow-minded,
judgmental.
but
that's
okay
That teaching
tolerance in our school is
corrupting our youth

I dont thinking
tolerance
is the problem.

Notice...the nice ones,
the examples,
like me
are tolerant,
accepting, we dont
judge terribly.
Am I suppose
to be opposite of this?
Are we meant to be this way?
Aren't the corrupted ones
the intolerant,
judgemental,
narrow-minded
shallow, sheltered-from-the-world ones
who honestly think
there is only one
way??????????
Correct me if i'm wrong
but shouldn't God
want us to be tolerant,
to be perceptive to the
realities of the world?
Not brainwashed by
religious propaganda.
It must sicken Him when
he sees the travesties we have
done to each other because
we hate another type of person
and we hide behind God to
be "allowed" to hate them.
because no matter what
you want to call it
even if you want to
approach the "foreigners"
in a nice way
and still change them
then it's still hate
the way i see it.

and you...in India
do they teach their
devotion?
their prayers for the world
for peace
for our
own devotion.
Will they burn
in hell because
they are saying the
wrong prayers?
or aren't a certain way
or accepting of the way
the creator created?
tell me
i pray for you
over there and
i pray you might
find the solace
their lives teach
that you are in the midst of
and that i am forced away from
Stuck in their
"christian white nation"

just last week
i taught with my
talents against
everything they
taught me today...

i won't believe it.
nice try.

Sunday, May 18, 2008

"Dream About The Days To Come" - 5

I've enjoyed pleasures tonight
self-indulging pleasures.
Food: pasta to perfection
shrimp, chicken, fries
and wine. All shared at
our dinner table
The mood very tense as
they talked about
a stupid washed out
lesson- or someone
who can't focus and
can't be self-sufficient
enough to finish the work
himself. These children
the ones that fail school
and have their parents
do the work for them. These kids...
what will happen to them
once out of college?
Will their mommies help
then, because they
certainly will hand-feed
them in college. Theses boys
and girls don't know.
They have no grasp on
the real world
only marked by a
mother that yells and
screams, but eventually gives in
and this teaches no lesson.

I slept most of the day
to escape them. But i also
read something. Slowly my
search is getting broader
and my steps are getting
quicker to what I'm looking for.
The book is teaching me
love, pleasure, devotion. I've been
brainwashed
into believing
that there is
only one
way to
God.
But we are part of
the univers and
there are many parts
weather we wish to believe
them or not. I must take them.
Someone told me once "I
think we all have to find our
own spiritual paths" And suddenly
it began to make very strange
very warm, and
very clear
sense.

Yet tomorrow
my parents ask me
to go back to that place.
Not that i hate it there
But I'm searching for my
way to God. It will
be my first time back
since my portrayal of the
evil Reverend. I am not
ready.
In preparation every night
for the role- to build my anger to
all good, I'd repeat back in my head all
the things that were taught to me
that i never
agreed
with.
EVER!
but was
forced down
my throat
because it
was the
"only way"
narrow-minded
ill-confident
selflessness.
Afraid of our
own shadows.
Afraid of what
our body
tells us.
Repressing
our feelings
they must be sins.

God is here
He is real
He wants me
I must find my
path to him...

The fifth day brought me
closer to you than
i've ever been.

If you can hear me
study the japa mala
and pick one up
for me
if
you get a change
you are in my prayers

Saturday, May 17, 2008

"Dream About The Days To Come" - 4

The green glass
reflects my face
but only mine. A
glass of deep purple.
Last time i had the red
wine i was with you.
I look into the glass
Into the reflection
of the liquid. I see
your face in my third
fill. My head spins
unnaturally.
My mind whirls
It opens
I see you
Slowly you come
into focus I see the
past moments
when we kissed
"I love you too...
you know that?"

of course i
know that.
And after my
third glass
the truth is that
i want all of you
I am afraid sometimes
Not normal We should
have certain instincts
Perhaps i am not
some sick pig
or i don't react that way
i should.
carefully taught to fear!
But my mind cancels
the functions.
I want you
I love you
You are my glass of wine
my second
and my
third.

"Dream About The Days To Come" - 3

I feel something
it might be my
dinner not agreeing
with my stomach
Another thought...
I am searching
for something
Searching. And I
hope to find it by
the end of this
period of continuum
The next 12 days
is all thats left.
The deadline. Am i
suppose to be upset
that you are on the
"flip side" ??
Because i dont know
what to feel
there are plenty
of times
i might have failed
you. Will you
return to
me?
Will you still
love me on
your return?
Is my body
strong enough
for you?
my arms, my
muscles, my
torso, my legs
my brain?
Do not answer these
questions
Let me have them.
let me think them out

I need to get out
of this. Soon I
will be as you are.
All around the world
With much patience
I will catch up
Patience on both sides
Still in search.
Not of a person...just...searching...
Nor for a thing.
Neither an answer.
Just searching
for what might
be meant to be.
I will find it
I am not searching
for anything, only
for whatever might fall
upon me in the days
to come.

Enjoy the party
and I'll enjoy mine.

Friday, May 16, 2008

"Dream About The Days To Come" - 2

Early,
sitting in a
stuffy office
for orientation at
the job. Trying
to keep my eyes
open, but briefly
they close, and drift
to other images.
the ones i've created
in my mind.
oh those fascinations!
it is then that the drone of
her words fuse together
meld into some stew of
whatever might be more
important, and for a
fraction of
time the
image of
you rushes
into my
mind.

strange what only
two days can harbor
Reminds me of the
20 years we were apart
I only saw you
once before. I know
i did. And only brief
seconds of the show
can be recollected
I remember the song
but not the person
it was so long ago,
i dont remember
any of them.
but just the thought
that on that day i
saw you.
oblivious
to the future
we might have
together. the
history, the
feelings, the emotions
YES here in the stuffy
office my blood surges
through my body,
deep and dark
having this
stranger with a wig
talk about useless skills
yet in the neighboring room
a fuzzy radio pours out
dramatic classical melodies
energized
romantic
classing
brinking on a feeling
to come, a kiss to ensue

this place is clean
nice. the people
are in another time
a time i was meant to
see but never did.
why do i feel an odd
connection
like i've seen them
some of them
before
somewhere else
younger.
much younger.
they knew me
and i knew them
we were equal
but now they are
less able
and i am unchanged
outside: youth
"the all-american boy, probably
out playing football with his
buddies" as one lady described me
inside: torture
some of them i saw in
a drive-in. a pharmacy while
picking up a bottle of coke
backseat of a car in an
abandoned lot having
a cigarette with another.
its just a strange idea in my head
but why do i remember details
bits of the conversations...
will i age?

do what i must
but keep searching
you...so far away
i am starting to
recognize it now
you really are
there. and i am
always here
always for you

"Dream About The Days To Come" - 1

(randomly at work, i grabbed a pocket journal that i was carrying in my back pocket and began to write about distance, considering LVE is on the opposite side of the planet, strange feelings...just the fact that she is in another day - monday, and it's still sunday over here. existence. baffles me. Have a safe trip love!)

I still can
feel you here
like you've never
gone away
As If you still
might be down
in your home.
No alteration of
emotions except
that I've kissed you
goodbye the night before last
and tonight you
are on the other
side of the
planet

We were as close as two
humans could get
and now as far away as
two humans can be
save for death
apart in location
but i feel together with
the thought of the kiss

A long day for me
and one ahead
Might she think of me
a brief moment as she forgets
the rest of us...as she should!
That you might return fresh
changed...

my body is here
but my energy spans
the globe

Thursday, May 8, 2008

tormented

dont fade
not this way
not like this
this is not us
shards of sanity
torments of pressure
where do
we say enough
where do
we pick up
the pieces
where do
we go
from
here.

its not
meant to
be this way
is this how they
really are?
never knowing
what they want?
is this what
real is?
is this who you
gave so much to?
do they bite
the hands
that feed them?

might i?
might i tenderly
quietly, slowly
with great caution?
might i gingerly
move towards your
figure?
might i hesitantly
outstretch gentle
fingers in yours?
might i slowly
without a rhythm
close my eyes?
and gently kiss
the lips of
the
one
tormented with
the surrounding
darkly?
might i tell
her tonight
that i love her?
that i've never
stopped loving her?
might she reply?
might she disappear
to the other side of
the world?
might we share a
moment?
a few seconds?
anything?
this runs my
mind, i dare not
ask...
i dare not
deserve her
but i will dare myself

"my life seems unreal
my crime, an illusion,
a scene badly written
in which i must play
yet i know as i gaze
at my young love beside me
the morning is just a few
hours away" s&g

Thursday, May 1, 2008

caught

you never fail
you always have me
we fall sometimes
and i will catch
but as a human
i can only
hope for
you to
be here
for me when
i'm as i shouldn't be
for me when
i need your touch
for me when
i yearn for laughter
for me when
i need something beautiful
to gaze upon
for me when
i need to be caught.
and i will be there for you
and i will play you
the music and sing
you the tunes and
act you the words
and enough of us will
be caught
caught in love
caught in our
conditions
caught in time
and suddenly
caught
timeless
for each other
always
always
always...

"True, it may seem like a stretch
But it's thoughts like this
That catch my troubled head
When you're away, when
I am missing you to death"
-I&W