soon to be filled

i am
sitting
next to you
we have
a while
until people
will see us
the home
is empty
but soon to be filled
and the product
is finished
but something
else excites me

i see your face
i've seen
it
a thousand
times
which is not
nearly enough
i gaze into
your eyes
and know
we are
home
we've
found love
in each other
the energy
pierces
the room
gentle
shocks
before the
storm of
the show
i can not
contain myself
what do i do?
do i look at the new
home?
do i warm up my voice?
do i go over some of my lines?
do i do any of that?

no
i can't
i have all
i need with me
i gaze into your
eyes and i am in
love
and i kiss
you
and
isn't
that
just fine.

what a week

this week
has been
phenomenal
the love
the food
the city
the bar
the love

the love
is amazing
i will
never
expel
myself
of it
and how
changed
i am
because
of
you
and how
swept away
i've been taken
and how
wonderful
your eyes
to gaze into.

this week
i have
been
changed
in so many
ways
you just never know
whats going
to happen
next.
you just never know!

you are
my glass
of wine
i get so
tied up
with every
little
thing
and then i see
you
and
i completely
let go
over every
thing
i once
cared about
i am
new with you
and i feel
comfortable.
more than
with anyone
else...
i love you

"Votre âme est un paysage choisi
Que vont charmant masques et bergamasques
Jouant du luth et dansant et quasi
Tristes sous leurs déguisements fantasques.

Tout en chantant sur le mode mineur
L'amour vainqueur et la vie opportune,
Ils n'ont pas l'air de croire à leur bonheur
Et leur chanson se mêle au clair de lune,

Au calme clair de lune triste et beau,
Qui fait rêver les oiseaux dans les arbres
Et sangloter d'extase les jets d'eau,
Les grands jets d'eau sveltes parmi les marbres."
-Paul Verlaine

i met an old friend today...

there is
a fire
inside of
me that
refuses to
burn out
no matter
how many time
shit may
hit the fan
i have
an umbrella
to keep me
from
getting
stinky

i met an
old friend
today
i was having
a bad morning
tired as hell
and making
a WaWa run
for breakfast
just before
organ lessons.
I got my
orange spice tea
and hash brown
and was well on my way
out the door
when
through the glass
an old friend
waved to me
i haden't seen
him since
high school
his "crowd" never
liked me
or accepted me
because i was different
and they thought
that was to uncomfortable
for them to relate
to.
but him
and i were
good
friends.
we had done
a show together
hung out
a few times
we were even in
choir together
and for him...that was alot...
because his friends
hated
choir boys

but we
had some good times
him and i
and i havent seen him
since high school
except for today
in passing at WaWa
"HEY jimmy!"
"Hey Zach, how've you been man?"
"Great...you?"
"Good. Nice seein' ya!"
and i began to walk away
how stupid of me
and then i heard
"Hows college?"
so i turned around
and walked over
to his car.
"College is okay,
what have you been up to?"
"I'm going to
Iraq
in June.
And I
got
married
and
we're
expecting
our first
baby
soon..."

"Wow, congratulations Zach.
Good luck with everything."

"You too!" and he
got in his car,
i got
in mine
and we parted ways.

Now i know why
we have to stay
true to this project
Now i know why
I'm doing this
Now i know that
what we do together
could save the lives
of young people.

This town is
very nice
very quiet
and it's school
teaches that
if you have a talent
you should bottle
it up
if you have an
energy
then you are different
in a
bad way
Sometime we have
outlets
to express what we
are truly feeling
to be ourselves
sometimes
we have that
but not always
and after being brought
up being taught you are
just a normal person
"JUST LIKE EVERYBODY ELSE
JUST LIKE EVERYBODY ELSE
JUST LIKE EVERYBODY ELSE
JUST LIKE EVERYBODY ELSE
JUST LIKE EVERYBODY ELSE
JUST LIKE EVERYBODY ELSE

you must face
these idiots

you pop

we go off to war
because
we can't
express
ourselves
and we're
too afraid to let
anyone
know that we
actually feel
human
emotions

i dont
want to just
do this project
for our own
gratification
i need to help
these people
if i can just
change
and help
one
person
be themselves
it would mean
the world.

"SHAW: I hope you never doubt that I love you
If that's hard to figure out sometimes, well, then, I apologize
But you are dearer to my life than you could ever realize"
-Footloose "Can You Find It In Your Heart"

i met a new person today...

I met a
new person
today
a guy
with light skin
and short dark
wavy hair
i sat in
my car
and watched
this
stranger
go to
his car
i planned on
taking
a nap
He fumbled
with his
car
got out
and
approached
my car.
So I
rolled
down the window
He was wearing
nicely pressed
jeans
tennis sneakers
and a white
Puma
soccer jacket
(I'd seen that jacket before)
He was
shorter
that me.
He asked
if i could
help him
start his
car
if
i could
give
him
a
"jump"
He appeared
normal
but once
we got to
talking,
he seemed
a bit unsure
yet kind
he must have been
weary
of the
stranger.
He made
me wonder
if i was talking
strange
or if i myself
was normal.

His car was
brand
new,
which added
to his
frustration.
He had a terrible
time getting the
hood of his
car to
open
but i helped
and figured out
how to open
it.
"I was just
going to call
my Dad, but
I saw you
there..."
"Oh its fine"
i said, "I'm glad you did..."
"I'm not holding
you up for
any classes
am i" he asked
the idea of holding
a stranger up for a
class to help
you
is terrifying
isn't it?
"Not at all,
i have a good hour
or so before class"

The cables
would not
stretch over
to my car
so i
manuvered it
twice
until the cables
reached.
We started
the engine
but he got nothing
i revved the
motor
nothing
he got out
quickly
and tried to
re-adjust the
cables,
but was unsure
so i got out
and re-adjusted
them
securely
once again the start of my
engine
and the start of
his
eureka!

And somehow
i wish his
engine didn't
start,
I wish
there
was more time
to get to know
people.
i wish we
could all
just put every little
problem down
and just hang out
or do something
to aid in
getting
to know
one another.
Had he
not asked
for
help
we would
never have known
each other.

He thanked me
graciously
"I wish
i had something
to give you
i dont have
any money"
he claimed
"No no, Don't
worry
about a thing
It's fine.
I've been in
this situation
a million
times."
That was
a lie
but it made
him feel
better.

"Thank you so much"
he exclaimed, "My
name is

Ben."

"I'm Jim"

We shook
hands
Some strange
salutation
greeting
human contact

It's absolutely
unbelievable
how each person on
this Planet
is so very
interconnected.
I never fully
understood this.
until just today

I met a
new person
today.
I helped
him.
He wanted
to give me
something for
my help
but had almost nothing.

"here, this is all I have"
and i accepted it.
i NEVER would have
but i knew
what it meant
and i did.
and for
as long aas
i remember
this
i'll be able
to keep
that little
gift
I can't tell
you what it
is.
nothing illegal
nothing concrete
but
it was
enough.

i've experianced this...

something
changes
as the snow falls
there is a
silence
that
never can
be heard
any other
time
and to
add this
is christmastime
i wonder
what
happens
to the earth
on snowy evenings...
everything
becomes
so inviting
so alive
within the dead
the silence
is so loud
all of the
other sounds
disappear
to watch
the snow
fall...

-STOPPING BY WOODS ON A SNOWY EVENING-
Whose woods these are I think I know,
His house is in the village though.
He will not see me stopping here,
To watch his woods fill up with snow.

My little horse must think it queer,
To stop without a farmhouse near,
Between the woods and frozen lake,
The darkest evening of the year.

He gives his harness bells a shake,
To ask if there is some mistake.
The only other sound's the sweep,
Of easy wind and downy flake.

The woods are lovely, dark and deep,
But I have promises to keep,
And miles to go before I sleep,
And miles to go before I sleep.

-- Robert Frost

teen pregnancy...

let me explain
something
has been on my
mind for
the past
year
it has something
to do with
teen pregnancy
this is a glimpse of it:

i feel the
holiday time
now
definatly
is time for
christmas
we celebrate
and buy
and spend
and drink
and live
and change
and love
and do all
of those things
that make the holiday
special
but for what?
because a fourteen year-old
girl
and a sixteen year-old
boy
had a baby
and we all
shun the mistakes of
teens getting pregnant
and look down
on young
people
having children
and yet the first
famously known
case of this
is the reason
we go
crazy
and the reason
we have a holiday

ironic?
so before
you look
at a young girl
in her third trimester
before you look
at that young boy
strolling his son
before you
judge them
and
place blame
and
thank God
that
you're children
didn't make those
mistakes...
look again
and thank God
that He did

The show begins...

I see a
marquee
Bright lights
beeming
in your
eyes
I see a
new home
a place
to spend
our energy

There is a
special
feeling
one feels
if they walk
onto a
stage
an hour
before a
performance
Alone on
a stage
the set
is there
but the
theatre is
empty.
Just an hour
before the show
there is an
intensity
an
anxiousness
and eclectic energy
tremors
before the
EARTHQUAKE

When that
place was
first
created
everyone was
alive
everyone from
that time
is now
gone
their stories
their shows
their dreams
and plans
have all gone
and left
a simple
shell
a building
once a
festivity
now a past world

"good things are built
even good things must go"
-the bowmans

But energy
is neither
created
nor
destroyed

One Hundred years
have passed by
and suddenly
i see
the dark
street,
let by the gas-lamps
the carriages
and new-fangled
motor cars
the silk and satin
dresses
Gold paint
satin spats
top-hats
a different
time
a bell tolls
the last call
for this evening's
seats
The final sips
of champagne
as the men escort their
wives to their seats
the young men
hold their
girls close
to their sides
in the
balcony
the conductor
takes her
stand in the
pit
lights up
curtains up
1908

the show begins
with a dream
and a
theatre...

It's in the stars

so much
has happened
i cant contain myself

sometimes when
i'm too
inspired
i stop
clear my
thoughts
and begin a larger piece

i love her
it is very
true
writing about her
loving about her
when i think of me
i'm all about her

the shards of
metal
poke
through the ground
and grow and
multiply
and become
lived
in
and the people
live
and live
and live
and live
and i
visit
and live

everything
is so close now
everything
and near
everything
is at our
fingertips
everything
is before us
nothing
behind us

no hesitation
no caution
no question
no doubt

no doubt
of complete
success

"i was meant for the stage
i was meant for the curtain
i was meant to tred these boards
of this much
i am
certian"
-the decemberists

Wednesday November 28th 2007
Virgo Horoscope (my sign):
"You're a good achiever, and what
you attempt to do is likely to turn
out quite well. However, what's
even more laudable is that you'll
involve others in your successes
and achievements."
-Today's Sunbeam

does this mean
anything?
success?
yes?

involve others?
the stars tell the truth
its ours
its meant for everyone
its meant to be opened
and used and
played on.

"the stars, too, they tell of spring returning"
-duncan sheik from SPRING AWAKENING

it's meant to be now...

"So swell to keep every homefire burning for..."

i saw
you
across
a crowded room
and everything ended
and i started anew

i never felt
that way
and i would
have
never
reacted
the way
i did
but...
i did
and here
you are
and here
i am
and here
WE
are
together

I knew it was
meant
to be
I know we're
meant
for
each other

I know it

I love you

"You'd be so easy to love
So easy to idolize
All others above
So worth the yearning for
So swell to keep every homefire burning for
We'd be so grand at the game
So carefree together
That it does seem a shame
That you can't see
Your future with me
'Cause you'd be oh, so easy to love"
-Easy to Love (Cole Porter)

i am the bridge with much water in-between

Today I give "Thanks"
Something has happened
I give thanks for the
questions
I had
for the
answers
i needed
and for the
love
reinforced

I know where
they
get it from.
They
get it
from their
parents
It was not "born"
in them
it was
"carefully taught"
to them
as richard and oscar
might say.
they are both
the way they are because of their families.
but it was not born in them
i know this
because
it was
not
born in
me.
It was
taught
but i am
blessed with
another teacher
one i had to
leave
to realize how
important
he is to me
and now im back

and there is another
another person
that i love unconditionaly
I KNOW THIS WILL HAPPEN
I KNOW THIS WILL WORK
and
i know
we love
each other.

this may not be easy
at any point
the whole road
may be a bitch
but just see the outcome
and see the possiblities
it will change lives
just like
the man it will belong to
has changed lives

you are my teachers
you are my lovers
i am bound to my home
but families change

without my theatre
i'd be one of them
and i know what is right for me
and i must change now
because i don't see
anything else in this world
for me

but
this

i am
the bridge
i always have been
a connector
of two worlds
with much water
in-between
but she is
the train
building a world
and i must choose to
stay the bridge
or
to take the train

"ALL ABOARD"
-Hello Dolly!

i will take that train

"its been several months since i've talked to my mom"
"today is wide open, today is a dream"
-the bowmans

thursdays

OH we're so close now
to friday
but i will live
each
night
with the hope
that tomorrow
brings another
show
shows forever
the theatre will always be
here
for us
and if its not
WE are
here
for us

"most people
live
on a
lonely island"
-R&H

so true
but now I'm on
Bali Ha'i
as James Mitchner named it
Do you know that
Bali Ha'i
is based on a
real
island?
and even in his many
travels back to
Guadalcanal
and Marie Louise
he refused to
ever
go to
his "Bali Ha'i"
so that it would
always
remain a
mystery
a
dream

i dont
think this
is a dream
but if it is
i'll sleep a
million
years

romance plays music on the silvery screen

the pink and gold paint
glimmer
as we enter the
beautiful theatre.
the red seats
shine
the blue ceiling paint
is
dull
but i wont look
up
i'll look at you
i'll take you
to the balcony
the seats arent as
comfortable
and the leg room
is tight
but thats
okay
because
we can be closer.

heres what it looks like
from up here
they say many
young couples have
kissed
for the
first time
in this balcony
ever since this theater
has been operating
1920s or something
...it wont be the first time
but we can be the most recent.

we take our seats
hold my hand
the lights dim.

the movie begins
the old flicker reel
scratchy
then romance plays music
on the silvery screen
the names we've all heard of
the title we know well
(its on our ticket stub)

black and white
just like it used to be
or is now?
yes
it's 1954
hepburn sits beside me
and i
bogart
stare into her eyes
whisked away into some
other time
a better time
maybe we were meant to be here
or there, rather

i could kiss you forever
as the romance plays music
on the silvery screen

oh for the love of next thurday

I've never felt this way
or have I?
You've made me
forget if I've ever
felt this way.
It all feels so
new
It all feels so
fresh
What a wonderful
life this is!
I think this is the
only show
I could do
every day of my life
and it would
never
get
old.

long shows are needed today more than ever

well i'm absolutely exhausted
and amazed at the show i've been involved in
i love it
i love this show
if it was a minute shorter it wouldn't be enough!

this world is so...
what i'm trying to say is
that all we want in life
in this day and age
is Instant Gratification
text messages
cell phones
e-mail
blogs
internet
computers
we need shorter shows where everything is set
in front of us
quickly
for entertainment
get in
and
get out

no

we need long 3 hour shows
especially by R&H
so we can learn
so we can become less
dependent
on our own
self gratification
we want everything quickly
theres no sense in looking deeper
and thinking
and learning
from these shows

never doubt them or else,
what happens in them will happen to you

"once you have found her
never let her go..."

Opening Night

Whew tonight
i live for opening night
my favorites
exciting
enchanting
engergy
emazing
amazing?
haha

but i learned something
when i heard something...
"to hate ALL the people your relatives hate"
this show's hate issue
is
not
just about
race...
it's about deciding for ourselves

after parties are the best
i cant believe i'm saying this
i'll miss it too much when it's all over
i wanna make it last...

"i've known you a few short weeks
and
yet..."

practices

practices have been crazy
stressful
long
i have homework to do
global
warming
whoopie
i haven't started, and it's 1am
one a.m.
in the
morning
practices have been crazy
stressful
long
enchanting...

"I known you a few short weeks and yet
somehow you've made my heart forget..."
-r.rodgers & o.hammerstein
geniuses

My First Time

This is my first blog (but not my first blog ever)
I frequent myspace and facebook wayy too much
it's 12:00am and here we are...
this may have been the most forgettable halloween ever.
school tomorrow
practice
still waiting for that acceptance letter from Rowan
it's a wonderful life
and now i'm single...