You are not a star

We can
separate
from our
lives
we can
go foward
we can
go back
but i take
my time
slow and steady
does not always
win the
race
but i need
what i need
and i know
what that
is now
i have
my plans
i
have
my goals
and i
will win
and no one
will stand in
my way
like i said...
"I know this will happen"
just be
patient
im not saying
stop
im not saying
wait
get everything
done!
get it done as
efficiently
as possible!
we will
i know
we
will

and i love you
so much
but not
because
you are
my star
i dont see
you as a star
a star is so
small
and it's light
takes forever
to reach me
dont be the star
be the sky
the vast expanse
of everything
when i look at the sky
i see all of the stars
and when i look
at you
i see
the
sun

I've Been to The End of the World

it's true
i haven't traveled
much
but i've
been to the
end of the world
and i'm
back from it.
I've seen where
the last
street has
been paved
where the atmosphere
meets outer-space
and where an old tree stands with many names carved in it
where the last
breath has
been taken
where the love
can be taken
from you

instantly...

i am
young
and very
much alive
and carefree
and happy
and very much
in-love
and i fear
not what others
think of me
what is it
their buisness
what i do with the
time i am alotted
on this planet.
I am only so young
and carefree
and happy
because i know
how precious
life is
i know
i know
i know
how dark this
world
is
how selfish
people are
how evil and cold
people can be
i appreciate life
because it can
be taken from
me
or you
at any given second
on any given day

I remember
very vividly
a random second
on a random day
in september
when someone i was
very much in-love
with
was taken
suddenly
quickly
away from me
away from the world
away from her family
her friends
oh i loved her very much
but i learned how quick life is

much too quick
so quick it's not fair
I experianced
the tears
the screams of anguish
and terrors in the night
the nightmares
the daymares
the face of the world laughing back at you
the face of God turning away
for a brief second
I know what happens when someone becomes
so grained into your life,
that when
they go
part of you goes too...
for two years
i was not able to feel pain
i was invincible
i had two relationships
and was unable to feel it
unable to die until
my time comes
i was ready to go
at any given second
on any day
any time
no concern whatsoever
the dead cannot feel pain
and part of me was dead
so i felt no pain
or love
for a long time
which was painful
and cold
in itself
because at any given day
"feeling" might return
and i thought that i was
a cold
soul-less
body
still pumping
blood
but one day
suddenly
with a turn of my head
with a glance
a few words
a look, across
a crowded room
on a flight of stairs
"feeling" returned
and i went wild
but i still appreciate
life.

so before i am judged
before you think
that i am naive
before they think
you can
hurt me
or destory
my life
or
kill me
remember:
i've been hurt
before
i've been destoryed
before
and i've died
before

and i'm back
and i'm selective
and i know when something is right
and this is right
and this is love
and i love you

So...
if they tell you
he's YOUNG
he's NAIVE
he's FRAGILE
...ask them if they've ever been to the End of the World
if they have, then i send my deepest sympathy
and if they haven't
i will
gladly direct
them
to the
tree
at the End of the World
that i once
carved my name on

soon to be filled

i am
sitting
next to you
we have
a while
until people
will see us
the home
is empty
but soon to be filled
and the product
is finished
but something
else excites me

i see your face
i've seen
it
a thousand
times
which is not
nearly enough
i gaze into
your eyes
and know
we are
home
we've
found love
in each other
the energy
pierces
the room
gentle
shocks
before the
storm of
the show
i can not
contain myself
what do i do?
do i look at the new
home?
do i warm up my voice?
do i go over some of my lines?
do i do any of that?

no
i can't
i have all
i need with me
i gaze into your
eyes and i am in
love
and i kiss
you
and
isn't
that
just fine.

what a week

this week
has been
phenomenal
the love
the food
the city
the bar
the love

the love
is amazing
i will
never
expel
myself
of it
and how
changed
i am
because
of
you
and how
swept away
i've been taken
and how
wonderful
your eyes
to gaze into.

this week
i have
been
changed
in so many
ways
you just never know
whats going
to happen
next.
you just never know!

you are
my glass
of wine
i get so
tied up
with every
little
thing
and then i see
you
and
i completely
let go
over every
thing
i once
cared about
i am
new with you
and i feel
comfortable.
more than
with anyone
else...
i love you

"Votre âme est un paysage choisi
Que vont charmant masques et bergamasques
Jouant du luth et dansant et quasi
Tristes sous leurs déguisements fantasques.

Tout en chantant sur le mode mineur
L'amour vainqueur et la vie opportune,
Ils n'ont pas l'air de croire à leur bonheur
Et leur chanson se mêle au clair de lune,

Au calme clair de lune triste et beau,
Qui fait rêver les oiseaux dans les arbres
Et sangloter d'extase les jets d'eau,
Les grands jets d'eau sveltes parmi les marbres."
-Paul Verlaine

i met an old friend today...

there is
a fire
inside of
me that
refuses to
burn out
no matter
how many time
shit may
hit the fan
i have
an umbrella
to keep me
from
getting
stinky

i met an
old friend
today
i was having
a bad morning
tired as hell
and making
a WaWa run
for breakfast
just before
organ lessons.
I got my
orange spice tea
and hash brown
and was well on my way
out the door
when
through the glass
an old friend
waved to me
i haden't seen
him since
high school
his "crowd" never
liked me
or accepted me
because i was different
and they thought
that was to uncomfortable
for them to relate
to.
but him
and i were
good
friends.
we had done
a show together
hung out
a few times
we were even in
choir together
and for him...that was alot...
because his friends
hated
choir boys

but we
had some good times
him and i
and i havent seen him
since high school
except for today
in passing at WaWa
"HEY jimmy!"
"Hey Zach, how've you been man?"
"Great...you?"
"Good. Nice seein' ya!"
and i began to walk away
how stupid of me
and then i heard
"Hows college?"
so i turned around
and walked over
to his car.
"College is okay,
what have you been up to?"
"I'm going to
Iraq
in June.
And I
got
married
and
we're
expecting
our first
baby
soon..."

"Wow, congratulations Zach.
Good luck with everything."

"You too!" and he
got in his car,
i got
in mine
and we parted ways.

Now i know why
we have to stay
true to this project
Now i know why
I'm doing this
Now i know that
what we do together
could save the lives
of young people.

This town is
very nice
very quiet
and it's school
teaches that
if you have a talent
you should bottle
it up
if you have an
energy
then you are different
in a
bad way
Sometime we have
outlets
to express what we
are truly feeling
to be ourselves
sometimes
we have that
but not always
and after being brought
up being taught you are
just a normal person
"JUST LIKE EVERYBODY ELSE
JUST LIKE EVERYBODY ELSE
JUST LIKE EVERYBODY ELSE
JUST LIKE EVERYBODY ELSE
JUST LIKE EVERYBODY ELSE
JUST LIKE EVERYBODY ELSE

you must face
these idiots

you pop

we go off to war
because
we can't
express
ourselves
and we're
too afraid to let
anyone
know that we
actually feel
human
emotions

i dont
want to just
do this project
for our own
gratification
i need to help
these people
if i can just
change
and help
one
person
be themselves
it would mean
the world.

"SHAW: I hope you never doubt that I love you
If that's hard to figure out sometimes, well, then, I apologize
But you are dearer to my life than you could ever realize"
-Footloose "Can You Find It In Your Heart"

i met a new person today...

I met a
new person
today
a guy
with light skin
and short dark
wavy hair
i sat in
my car
and watched
this
stranger
go to
his car
i planned on
taking
a nap
He fumbled
with his
car
got out
and
approached
my car.
So I
rolled
down the window
He was wearing
nicely pressed
jeans
tennis sneakers
and a white
Puma
soccer jacket
(I'd seen that jacket before)
He was
shorter
that me.
He asked
if i could
help him
start his
car
if
i could
give
him
a
"jump"
He appeared
normal
but once
we got to
talking,
he seemed
a bit unsure
yet kind
he must have been
weary
of the
stranger.
He made
me wonder
if i was talking
strange
or if i myself
was normal.

His car was
brand
new,
which added
to his
frustration.
He had a terrible
time getting the
hood of his
car to
open
but i helped
and figured out
how to open
it.
"I was just
going to call
my Dad, but
I saw you
there..."
"Oh its fine"
i said, "I'm glad you did..."
"I'm not holding
you up for
any classes
am i" he asked
the idea of holding
a stranger up for a
class to help
you
is terrifying
isn't it?
"Not at all,
i have a good hour
or so before class"

The cables
would not
stretch over
to my car
so i
manuvered it
twice
until the cables
reached.
We started
the engine
but he got nothing
i revved the
motor
nothing
he got out
quickly
and tried to
re-adjust the
cables,
but was unsure
so i got out
and re-adjusted
them
securely
once again the start of my
engine
and the start of
his
eureka!

And somehow
i wish his
engine didn't
start,
I wish
there
was more time
to get to know
people.
i wish we
could all
just put every little
problem down
and just hang out
or do something
to aid in
getting
to know
one another.
Had he
not asked
for
help
we would
never have known
each other.

He thanked me
graciously
"I wish
i had something
to give you
i dont have
any money"
he claimed
"No no, Don't
worry
about a thing
It's fine.
I've been in
this situation
a million
times."
That was
a lie
but it made
him feel
better.

"Thank you so much"
he exclaimed, "My
name is

Ben."

"I'm Jim"

We shook
hands
Some strange
salutation
greeting
human contact

It's absolutely
unbelievable
how each person on
this Planet
is so very
interconnected.
I never fully
understood this.
until just today

I met a
new person
today.
I helped
him.
He wanted
to give me
something for
my help
but had almost nothing.

"here, this is all I have"
and i accepted it.
i NEVER would have
but i knew
what it meant
and i did.
and for
as long aas
i remember
this
i'll be able
to keep
that little
gift
I can't tell
you what it
is.
nothing illegal
nothing concrete
but
it was
enough.