great shows

certainty

does it exist
do we ever know
for sure?
without evidence
is our certainty
enough proof we need
is certainty a proof
and followed by
questions
lies
or truths
or more questions
do we harbor
ignorance
for the ability
to actually take a
step back
and say "i dont know"

instead to say
"i dont care
i am certain
i am very very certain"

certainty
an emotion

or

doubt

dissecting
every word
questioning
myself
or the others
invested in
the mind

disturbed

three things

in my first class
and final class session
of the only one i anticipated
barbara gardner, a theatre director,
and professor
told the class three things
to always remember in life
and i like them so i want
to post them.

1. you'll never have enough money
so do something you like
and stop
worrying about
money

2. if you get fired, its not the
end of the world, don't go into
a six-month quagmire

3. the world is larger than
south jersey
travel
and if you find yourself
saying "i dont have enough money"
refer to number 1
and go anyway

well said
well said!

triumph on the screen

in this world

of lunacy
with historical
touches that must be
kept and monstrous
mistakes that could
have been made
you must look
at it in the face and
say

"its only theatre"
-jcjr

a day wasted

a day wasted
on declining
health
body aches
and a fever that
i didn't realize
i had thought
in the middle of the
night that the
house caught
fire
but then figured
i had a troublesome
fever thats left
me in bed on my
last weekend
off for a very long time

and i was supposed
to go to NYC today
because this is
the last weekend
i can go in a long
time.

but here i am
stuck.
what a bitch
i never get sick
the one
day out of the
entire year.

damnit...

i need a new job

or else i'm going to run away

seriously
there are some
seriously
retarded
people in this world

how difficult its it?

Friday & Saturday

oh dear god save us all
i feel like a little emo
kid that wants to be
depressed about everything

ugh

sorry for this little fucking rant
i'll calm down in a minute
i need to chill
i need to focus

i think today was the first day
in like...two years
or maybe three
that i sat down,
locked the door
and cried my eyes
out.

and now i'm going to unlock
the door, and forget
that i suck at everything
and forget
and chill
and focus
and move along
and have a
happy thanksgiving

i will watch
them in the
corner
planning their
multi-millions
in their young
decisive bodies
while I old and
gray will watch
and hope they never
grow old.

I hope i never
do. And I won't
ask what you'll
be when you grow
up. In fact, I'll hope
you never grow up
that you'll stay, waiting
for fun, living frivolously
kissing each other
and wide-eyed
breathing.
in that dimly
lit little eatery
in the middle
of nowhere
sipping a manhattan.

"They are illusions
they are not the solutions
they promised to me
the answer was here
all the time.
I love you
and hope
you love me." a.l.w

doubt the course

time may be the
thought of
everything you
might have
but i assure
you, if this year
if this life
experience
can move this
quickly
time is the only
thing we have
too much of
and not enough
of at the same time.

if i didn't
want to be
where i am
i'd disappear
i know that i
would. but i also
know that whatever
or whoever comes
at me or searches
my brain or my life
will find itself or
themselves
gazing at me.

why do i know this?
because if i could have
this much life in such
a small cram of time
how could i ever
doubt the course
of our place
in this wild
universe

alive again

heat and energy
lights burning
with magic of
the fireworks
in our eyes.

A friend I hadn't seen
in much too long attended.
"It was so nice to see you reprise"

i
am
alive
again

"I'm gonna go again
I'm gonna drive again
I'm gonna feel my heart
coming alive again
Before the parade
Passes by!!!" j.h.

losing myself

losing myself
wisking away
drudging on
moving somewhere
not foward
but trying
going this
way and
that way
and hanging
pieces and
waiting for
pieces and
being told
where to
move and
what to
do now.

depressed
discouraged
does not
begin to
describe it

since when
did my
world
become
cynical?

the finest year

scraping on
at the other
texts to maybe
find something
fresher about this
time around. looking
in every direction to get
something new remembering
that there maybe love out there
still, if not cold and abandoned for
a little while. this is the end of the
fantasy when in two weeks i
return to the life i am
working at, not
playing at. i
will miss
it all

this year
went by
so fast

south pacific auditions
meeting
"i've known you a few
short weeks and yet"
secret trips
parties
plans
love
levoy
foreigner
crunch week
new school
friends
new show

and once
we re-convene
weather it be
tomorrow
or a year from
tomorrow
let us gaze at the
star-crossed
pictures, but
not look
towards
the past
only the
future.
and see
the bright
marquees
in our eyes
ahead.

"But today, I've talked
to one equal to equal,
equal to equal. And, in
my opinion, the finest one
that ever lived."
-The Matchmaker, (Thorton Wilder)

My Sixty-Seventh Time

Remember my first blog?
------------------------
"My First Time"
This is my first blog (but not my first blog ever)
I frequent myspace and facebook wayy too much
it's 12:00am and here we are...
this may have been the most forgettable halloween ever.
school tomorrow
practice
still waiting for that acceptance letter from Rowan
it's a wonderful life
and now i'm single...

------------------------

"My Sixty-Seventh Time"
This is my sixty-seventh blog (but not by any means my last)
I drink, talk, write, learn, read, sing, act, question, and live wayy too much
it's 11:00pm and here we are...
i dont remember last halloween, but the time in between was wild
gonna do something wild tomorrow
practice sunday
just registered for my second semester at Rowan
i dont know where my life is
but i do know that
it's a wonderful life
and now...

------------------------

"New Bridge in a glory of fire"

"Amid the thunder of cannon and the
cheers of a vast multitude of enthusiastic
people assembled from all parts of the
greater city and its suburbs,
while a huge American flag
was unfurled on each of the towers,
Mayor Low, at 2:43 o'clock yesterday afternoon,
pronounced the new Williamsburg Bridge open to public use."
(NYTimes, 12.20.1903)

flying

half spoken and half signed
a friend told me a story today
----

There are two flies on two separate walls
one fly is orange and one fly is blue.
the walls are white.
One day, the orange fly takes
a liking to the blue fly and flutters
over to the blue fly, makes a friendship
then flies back to its wall.
the next day, starting at hour one,
the blue fly goes and visits the orange fly.
and eventually drifts back to his own wall.
for every hour after that, the blue fly
flies over to visit the orange fly.
by the 23rd hour, the blue fly is tired
of flying over to see the orange fly, but
still manages. upon reaching the
orange fly, he notices a red fly
with the orange fly.
oh, the orange fly is still happy to see his
friend of constant visitation, in fact, is enamored
with the blue fly, but simply
kept the red fly around
when the blue fly was not there.
finally realizing the orange fly never
came over to his wall...
what did the blue fly do??

...fly away...

hahaha, funny stuff
----
thats the gist
of this joke
i might have gotten
some of it mixed up
but for the most part
that was it

i hope thats what it was.

"today is wide open
today is a dream" s&c b

the shower

i just showered
cleansed from
time behind
water drips
forming quiet
diamonds on my
dirty body
wondering how
i survive too much
and thanking
stamina for keeping
me on my toes.

i'm clean now
save a little dark
spot on the inside
but its difficult to
get everything in
one sitting.
pity and happiness
are the two new
feelings.

not sadness.

"This may sound naive. But-is our
life ever to have any reality?
Are we ever going to live on
the level OR is life always to
be something else, something
different from what it should be?"
-ayn.rand

hope (reposted)

francis and mary
what you must have
been like when you were
younger. i can only imagine
from what they tell me.
i shouldnt even think
about it, but people
are people
and lately, i fail to see aging
i've learned to see the good
in people. and i'll miss you two.
i didnt think you two would be
the first to go, and god knows
its a terrible job, but for the
various people i meet in my
life, i will miss you both.

this, however, I am reposting because i
needed to re-read it tonight after various
sips of booze and remembering it's a depressant.
which only adds to it, i feel like all i have left is
written words...
---
hope
july 15, 2008

hope
a belief in a
positive outcome
implying a certain
level of despair
and our existence
relies on our thoughts
or choice of what we
make with our hands
or the numbers we
dial or the questions
we constantly pen on
our papers.

"never never lose hope" -Rnnr.

"What do you hope you
could have more than
anything?" -L.W.

these vibrations beneath
my fingertips, these
strains and chords
like life with prolonged
good times ending on
a sweet vibrato

running through
broken chords
now with little
verse
scraping for
balance between
the external
and internal
or is our change
relative?

who do we have
anymore next to us
to protect each other
or cling to with our
hope lullabies

"When you cry, I'll be there baby
telling you were never nothing less than beautiful
So dont you worry
I'm your Angel standing by" - jkilcher
---

detached

..........
.........
........
.......
......
.....
....
...
..

.

i cant even
move my fingers
to punch out the next
letter of the next word
of the next sentence of
the next idea of the next
phrase of the next parable
of the next story of the next
question of the next hyperbole
of the next feeling i wish not to feel.
but here i am sitting in a library with
the worst access to the world i foolishly
punch into and slide through, getting attracted
like a white magnet gravitizing all of the negativity
in this world. I'm sorry, an unfortunate connection like
me would cloud the professional world of today with silliness.
if only i could figure out how to grow up and know when and where
to begin and weather or not this sick stupidity of mine could float far away

"a scene badly written
in which i must play."
-s&g wednesday morning 3am

lies

i feel like
a spade
shovel went through
my torso and
scooped out
everything it
could
leaving a
back-bone
and a brain

and even though
a brain is all
i have left
i still am
listening
to my former
guts.

i am paranoid
i thought
this is stupid
i thought
stop thinking this
i thought

then they told me

its true
i feel
i was right
i feel
it was all lies
i feel

five am

i thought i was done
with this, but this
vicious cycle will
never end and I
hardly see an end
in sight.
these days
were supposed
to be over
but they will
never end
and i will be
taken advantage
of no matter how
much i say
no

-thurs: got wasted and puked up my guts
-fri: beginning of my weekend off, worked all day
-sat: day two of weekend off, worked all day
-sun: day three of weekend off, going in at 5am
-the gods are punishing me for thurs.

fuck
people
im not really afraid
to say it...
...i hate my life right now
and every weekend.
there is nothing
for me here
i just want to
run away and
return when i
don't need to.

stones and honey
like dead sweetness
amid foggy mist
in freezing cold
grass fields
where will the
day bring and
when will this change
5am
how could i ever know...

you'll have to excuse me

Dear Bartender,
I know that our most
recent correspondence
has been quite jovial.
In fact, I can't remember
a time this wasn't very
happy, except for one
horribly annoying day
involving elderly crabbiness
and their english muffins.
Which is why you'll be
rather perturbed to hear
of my recent misfortune.
What is it? I won't put it
in some eloquent prose.
No. Instead I'll just come
out with it.
This evening...
...I'm ordering a Martini.
A very large one. Plain.
Please, save the flavoring.
It's not going to make the
taste any different.
Please, don't tell me
that I'll enjoy a flavored
martini. It won't make
me rationalize that fact
that I'm consuming something
that has the same effect on
my health as gasoline.
Straight gasoline.
So, regardless of weather
you fill the glass with
gasoline or with a plain
martini, I'll drink it.
Because at the end of the day
A martini is a martini.
And I'd personally enjoy it
much better plain.
I may be back in the future
for more wine, more beer,
more merriment, more happy
times. I'll may be back tomorrow,
I have no idea where tomorrow
is going to take me.
Just like, I didn't expect
to order a martini tonight.
Although, I've been planning
on ordering for a while.

So that's it. Not very Earth-shattering.
I'm sorry I've taken you
away from the other customers,
your job. But I know you
have your quiet pleasure in
reading my random letters to you.
And, my dear
friend
make me up
a martini

And remember, things are
always okay with me. Even if
I order a martini, things are okay.
And if they aren't, remember
they will be
soon enough.
And I'll remember the
same for you.
Best,
-Professor.

every time i'm up here

it's
cold
up here.
i'm standing
on the needle
of a really high
building. so cold
freezing my ass off
in this wind and i can
see to my left, no one is
there, and to my right, alone
behind and in front, emptiness.
i think i deserve to be on the
ground with you and with
the traffic and the many
different people out
there in the little
world of ours
or yours
or mine
but i
really
just want to jump off and see what happens
.....
....
...
..
.

but its quite
alright
i can see
them from
up here
and i can barely
hear it all but
i can. and i know.
i know the importance
i know the connections
its much clearer when you're
up here. it looks much smaller
from up here. i wish you'd join
me to see the how small they all
are. the cars honking and the
people buying and talking.
and from down there it
always seems so important
and so lasting. as if it will always be
this way and people will always think
and point at the kid up on the top of
the building. but here i am just
standing up, watching them point
watching them try to figure it
out in there little brains.
watch them wonder weather
or not i care if i stand up here.
weather or not they think
i know what they're thinking

and once they realize
i don't care
once they realize i
am proud to be here
i watch them walk away
they go back to their
families and forget
about the kid looking
down at them.

they forget.
and so do i.
time carries on
with itself.
and the moment
where they thought
poorly of me
disappears.
and so does the
day i stood on top
of that building

and so do i.

"a person's a
person, no
matter how
small" dr.s

deadlines

i can barely breath
from up here
so high my
eyeballs want to
pop out of my
suffocating brain
at the top of the
library among
thousands of books,
streaming over papers
and deadlines and the
sheer fright that
it'll never get done,
the assurance that they
always do, the plan of
how to do all of this
in such a short amount of
time.
So many before
and so many among me
yet i need some way
to follow
and generate the
craft being handed down.
generate a new craft
and make the many
principles and practices
become my own
unique way
something standing
robust, functioning,
and beautiful.
Is there time?
was this wasted?

I need to build
something
with words.
Starting at
the bottom
where
is the
top?

"Do you mean to tell me that you're thinking seriously of building that way, when and if you are an architect?"
"Yes."
"My dear fellow, who will let you?"
"That's not the point. The point is, who will stop me?"
- The Fountainhead

2009. Torino. Studio all'estero

oh my god...




Intro to Public Relations
Italian 101
Wine
cheese?
[must be careful]
{must go}





"Dilegua, o notte!
Tramontate, stelle!
Tramontate, stelle!
All'alba vincerò!
Vincerò!
Vincerò!"
-G.Puccini (from Turnadot)

September

i've adjusted
to the new days
at the new home
the new places
the new face
in the teas and
books and the
thought that this
might not be
busy work, that
this might not be
"required" that
this might not be
horrible or boring
that this might
be okay.
We all tell of how
important it is
the new experiences
the new faces
the new books
the new teas
but now i can be aware
of how special your
words are and why
i need to listen to them

A dark hotel room
held history
and they will tell
that we stayed there
or in a delicious
eatery or with
our favorite singers
or on broadway
or atop
the empire
state...
but i find
us, the ones
that found
each other
the ones that drugged
our bodies and harped
our eyes
in the silent,
perspiring, dark
second story room
tongue-tied
reserved passions
and trying to
rationalize how
we should feel, the
way my life should
be, why am i not
living the way
intended?
living in two
different stages
with almost a
year behind
and too much ahead
but together
[in truth]
shared carelessness
and blissful kisses.

"now the spell is broken
the words escaped
the ones i feared
the ones i heard
last night
now i
am open...
...but my breath is pulled away
each time i take it in" s&c b.

how is this possible
my life at a stream
watching the brown
leaves float by
remembering september
knowing that september
reminds me of how
important our
time is, how
quickly this
happens.
remembering
why we love.
and i do. love you.
maybe september
is a trick...
maybe its all timeless

and mine said...

":-) you have a deep appreciation of arts and music :-)"

something possessed
me to grab it off the
kitchen counter
cracking it open
with one hand
my audition song in
the other
about to walk
out the door...
i slipped the little strip
out of hiding
(i hate the sound
it makes when it
slides out) and
i read it.

Daily: 9 5 6
Lotto Six: 3 8 33 22 42 25
and thats about
as far as i get
with these
things because
i see those numbers
and think "my god
they offer lotto
numbers in
bright red ink
...why should I
even bother looking at
the other side."
but i felt some
strange
cosmic convection
in my index
and forefinger
flip the curved
shard of
white over
to reveal a few
words that
may have helped
me through
a day worth
remembering.
but when it came
to it, seeing the old
faces in the familiar
places (as they say)
was enough to
fill my glass halfway
last night

exchanges of fear
of positions and
resolutions and
conclusion when
it's hardly begun...
dont lose it
not now
not this close
maybe i ask for too much
or maybe not enough
but just
keep going
for me...

"Nothing about us was perfect or clear
But when paradise calls me
I'd rather be here
There's something between us
That nobody else needs to see"
-JRB (SFANW)

moments

our moment
so preserved in
mementos of
"days gone by"
so perfect
so beautiful
so utterly detached
from an outside world
where all that matters
are the embraces together
and the magic swelling
in the orchestra.

we sit and listen
but not even our
cues matter, not
even the audience
or their critiques
not even the building
or the board or the
text or the lyrics
or the work put in.
all that matters
in those moments
and the glassy
stares into each others'
eyes
and the
tight holds
wrapping ourselves
in the other persons'
arms and not letting go.
moments needed so.

"it only takes a moment
for your eyes to
meet and then
your heart knows
in a moment
that you'll never
be alone
again" j.h. (c.h)

hope

a belief in a
positive outcome
implying a certain
level of despair
and our existence
relies on our thoughts
or choice of what we
make with our hands
or the numbers we
dial or the questions
we constantly pen on
our papers.

"never never lose hope" -Rnnr.

"What do you hope you
could have more than
anything?" -L.W.

these vibrations beneath
my fingertips, these
strains and chords
like life with prolonged
good times ending on
a sweet vibrato

running through
broken chords
now with little
verse
scraping for
balance between
the external
and internal
or is our change
relative?

who do we have
anymore next to us
to protect each other
or cling to with our
hope lullabies

"When you cry, I'll be there baby
telling you were never nothing less than beautiful
So dont you worry
I'm your Angel standing by" - jkilcher

opening what's closed

a small piece from a journal
i once finished and locked away
if i can be here for you in anyway
to talk to laugh to cry on my shoulder
let me write for you
because only you understand these words
we live in our writers world
and now i have someone to
share this piece with.
I read it now and i can't believe
i was wrote this one
so chilling:
-DAY 183-
"What just happened? Why is the world so off-balance? When do I stop?
When do I continue? All these horrible thoughts rushing through my head at the
wrong time in my life. I shouldn't be thinking these things until I am old and
forgotten, having spent my life in a retirement home next to the one
i was destined to be with. All of this rushing through my head on day one.
And now we are on day 183. I just graduated outside on the football field where
we spent eight years of gym glass playing soccer, football, or running, always
conversing the next story either one of us would write. Never realizing mine would be
about the person i was discussing it with. I can't believe I am here. I can't believe a
year went by so fast. I can't believe a life went by so fast. I can't believe I ate lunch
with that life every day since kindergarden. I can't believe that life forced me to write
about what I was much too uncomfortable writing about (for fear someone might find
it) I can't believe we're not on the same track of time. All people are on
different tracks of time. Every single person has a different set of
finger prints, different, DNA, different loves, and different set tracks of
time alloted. And yet, we strangely get involved with these people.
Each of us weaving ourselves in and out of one another's lives. And in those
183 days what have I learned? Life is not fragile; and those that claim it
is are drastically misunderstood, because the weak and strong have
equal chances of dying. Life is set like music:
it begins, it develops, it flourishes, and it ends.
Sometimes it takes 100 years.
Sometimes it takes 17.
I've learned to enjoy the moments with the person I'm with,
or not with, or whomever I love. Someday I will pick up these pieces,
put them back together and use them to dig myself out. I don't know
when. I don't know how to get someof the images out of my head...
for my sanity. And maybe they should stay there as a reminder that
I graduated quickly, I lived quickly, I loved without notice,
and I wrote with caution. The search for my place in the
universe will never end, but every man makes that search. I hope to
make mine slowly. To observe and not forget it
this time. Not take those that are weaving themselves in and out of my time here
for granted. And I won't lie this time. If I love you, you'll know it. Because thats all
I have. I feel like its a second chance to live the right way. I'm the lucky one.
One of those that can take a lesson from all of this.
I'm finished now. I'm going to close this book now. You've gotten me through this.
You. And you alone. I'll use another one of your kind when I need the help. Will I
ever come back to you? Someday. Someday I'll need you again. I feel it.
But you must go now so I can start the new chapters, college, love, children, aging,
death. Or none of it. All I ask is that you be there for me. And I'll be here for you."

"I have lived in the darkness for so long
I'm waitin' for the light to shine
Far beyond horizons I've seen
Beyond the things I've been
Beyond the dreams I've dreamed
Are the things I've done
In fact each and every one.
Are the way that I've been
taught to run" -r.miller

stumbling

painful to see it
but funny to watch
it. wishing they could
see themselves
knowing they
cant. they
cant even
see us.
stark
and sick
ridiculous
and hilarious
at the same time
while extremely grave
and serious and touchy.
the threats and ungratefulness
makes me feel like we're aliens.


“Oh, you don’t need a theatre, you don’t need a board, you don’t need a subscription audience, you don’t need a lot of money. All you need is a room with some people from the same planet that you’re from.”
--Andre Gregory, as quoted in American Theatre Magazine, March 2005

"neon outlines with lights on
the front and lights
underneath.
it's all gonna shine"

it

i feel bad for
my piano
it always seems
to come last in my
pathetic list of
everything i
fail to forget.
my music is
forgotten sometimes.
always coming last.
i dont know why i
put it there.

and yet it seems that
every piece i learn
(they take a long time to complete)
seems to reflect a slight
piece of me at the time.
nocturnes, waltz(s),
and the clare de lune
the moon shines so beautiful
your face so radiant.

and now it's a person
whos been forced from their
homeland and their sadness
is their music. the piece
is hated by the
composer
which make it
his most worthy.

i chose this...
this prelude without
considering the notes
why are my choices
so sub-conscious
self-willed
forcing me to
discover what
else is inside
after i've chosen
why did i just write that

those three opening
notes can be so
difficult and loud
and when you finally
get a break in the music
you still are a little
bit carved out
by the opening

i shouldn't let
myself get so
worked up
over a little
piece of piano
music.

The Thirteen Hours of English Muffin Torture

tonight is friday the 13th
and i suppose it's fitting
that i worked a 13 hour
day that felt like a knife
wound. whew. worse
than a rehearsal...haha

i sit there
water pouring
down my arms
bits of breakfast
lunch and dinner
and the pleasantries
in between, or the
shameless noising
about how your
english muffin is
overdone
(even though
it's the same
as yesterday
and everyday before,
the way you liked it)
but when i cook your
muffin, i'm wrong
when i put out your
coffee mugs you can't
see them, and scream and
shout until you realize they
are sitting
in front
of you
or your water goblets are
still not filled correctly
so you go to the
head-of-everything
and complain
and get your water
(of course it's not poured right,
but thanks for letting me slide on that)
and you never drink one sip
you want attention
from me
from me
from me
and not the rest of them
why?
because i'm the only
guy there that's attractive
sometimes i'm the only...guy.
i appreciate the compliment
its not easy being the most
gorgeous guy in the world
but i also happen to be madly
smitten with the most beautiful
girl in the world.
so ladies...
i regret to
inform you,
but i'm taken.

but you're lucky
enough to have
squeezed a blog
entry out of me

time for bed

"And it’s draining all of me
Oh they find it hard to believe
I’ll be wearing these scars
For everyone to see" L.L.

a snake from aesop

time gets away from
us some days
like today
as if two
hours
were so
quick and the
past six have been
eternities here
away from
you.

let me fill part
of an empty
that can't
be filled
let us soar over top the
lost components
and not look
back.
this is not why
we are here
but sometimes we must
live through what's
not meant to be
so we might find
what is
what was
what will be
meant to be
to the truths that
exist, to those exposed
yearning for the pictures
and wine and recognition
but no work
or help
or care

Aesop's Fables has an old
story about a hardworking
man who had a nice family
children, a wife, a house.
A man who led his family
through the good and the
bad. But one day he was
out hunting in the woods
and came across a wounded snake almost immobile
that had just enough energy to keep
itself alive for a short period of time
but needed the help of the man to
care for it.
So the man took the snake back to his
house and nursed the poor withered
creature back to health.
One night, the man's wife was
in the house admiring the snake
(as the story goes) and the snake
reared up, and bit the man's wife
giving the woman he loved a
near-fatal injury.
Just as quick as the man helped
the snake back to health, he took
the life back... killing the snake instantly
never looking back to the lifeless corpse.

Moral of the story?
Don't bite the hand that feeds you?
No...
They are merely snakes
And God-forbid they bite you...

untitled passion

soaked to the bone
perspiring with close
contact abound
a shrug through the hair
a gentle run of fingertips
down her face
and a kiss
quiet
then growing
longer and more
beautiful than i've
ever felt or seen
or heard or smelled
or lived.

a passion of desire
felt again and again
gone away, almost
left me getting
almost cold
then a lingering
few kisses
and "i love yous"
exchanged bewildered
but always meant
then distance
the furthest
save death
a search
pulling at the strings
making us stronger
and helping us
grow and come
to realize
what we really
are. what we
can't hide
from
whats...
meant to be

a great teacher
once told me
this...
"its like the wizard of oz,
one must travel through
the wilderness to
realize that there's
no place like home"w.w.
was this the wilderness
or just a profound
realization of what's
so close to home
the pride
the beauty
the youth
the passion
and togetherness
of soul-mates
of us

"Dream About The Days To Come" - 1 (POST SCRIPT)

Seeing that face again
just about melted me.
And the gifts on top of
the lunch and kisses
were just too much
for one day's pleasure.
But I'll happily take it
and cherish every second
of it no matter what.
I am so thrilled
to have seen
you today.
For the last 14 days
i've had an idea,
but only an idea
of you along with
pictures to remind
me of our life.
But now with you
here, my heart
is about to
burst!

Your eyes glow
and inspire me
So nice to gaze into them
again and know that
they are looking into mine.
So easy. Both of us.
Too easy to think.
"For you're oh, so,
easy to love"
And it's so true.
Once you've found
the fit, you've found them.

Still searching. Always
for our meaning. For the
whys, the wants, and what ifs.
It takes so long to forget and
so little to remember- a strange
trick all these lives can play on us.
But i see the fresh air blowing your hair
and the lingering aurora of another
world, clinging to you, holding
on. I will treasure the japa mala
and what you did to get them.
I dont know anyone in the world
that would have done that for me.
You'll never know how much it means.
But if you read all that was poured out
onto the pages, you might have a glimmer
of it all. You'll know.
You've changed me.
I won't go back now.
Perhaps what i've been
searching for I found
today in a little bistro
on High. Exuding beauty
Fresh. New. Knowing love,
and looking into mine...

"Dream About The Days To Come" - 14

(Thus concludes my 14 day search for whatever came my way. Originally this was one piece when thinking about LVE's departure and everything else, but now i've written a piece every day she's been away. Focusing on everything singular in my life while appreciating everything connected in this universe. Here we are. Have a safe flight home tomorrow!)



I can't say
what you've experienced
But I wish i could
have experienced it
too.
And i will.
I am oblivious to
what you might have
and what it might have
done to you.
To us.
Perhaps it's all
changed for you.
It hasn't for me

And yet, it has...
This has made me
focus on all
of you. But also
has made me focus on myself
On what i believe
versus what they think
i should believe. I've
learned why i am going
through life. I've learned
deep down that i need a
companion. But I've also,
once in a great while, need
a night to myself to
enjoy the simple pleasures
of life. To find who i am,
to find a little more
about myself. You've said
that i am an enigma to
you. I am also an enigma
to myself, i regret to inform.
Always trying to find where my
mind will wonder next, where
i will travel in thought.
What new world will be
un-covered, what new page will
be filled, and what new adventure
will be fulfilled. I hope, upon
your return, you will not
sneer at the idea of
seeing me - coming back
to life in the one-world
country. (nicely put by-the-way)
I hope you see the big open heart
full of life instead of
the old life, and old
people, and old guy you
must face. I hope you
took more than pictures.
Please share it all with
me. Nothing too personal, but
tell me what they have that
we need. Anything, albeit
single, complex, a seedling,
a mountain.

And let us dream, for i've
dreamed for days of this
day, and i've let the realities
the moments awake on
thought capture themselves
on paper, but i've kept
the dreams in my mental
notebook, the one with the
endless pages, bound in
red leather, with gold lining
all created in my mind.
Dreams not only about your return
but of the future, the
change of future
the nights to come,
dates to see movies
dinners to fill up on
wine to drown in
and kisses to
that make us say
"i've forgotten how much
i love kissing you!"




Or none of it, pondering on
what the future holds. But
no matter what he holds, i
dream of love and imagine
it the way (i think) it should
be. And all I ask is that
you do the same with
me.


Come with me
so we may run,
and glow, and discover,
and search, and search, and search,
and find, and arouse, and admire, and drink, and watch
and baffle, and break, and cry, and heal, and challenge,
and cheer, and applaud, and change, and sing, and clear
and conspire, and convince, and warm, and defy, and demand,
and entice, and escape, and flirt, and rehearse, and object, and obey,
and observe, and melt, and mend, and please, and protect,
and protect you again, and again from them, and work,
and play, and show, and tell,
and dance, and act,
and build,
and kiss,
and love,
and
dream
about
the
days
to come.

"One more time,
let me kiss you,
dream about the days to come..."



the end

"Dream About The Days To Come" - 13

Alone! Finally!
This happens
so much to me,
putting myself
out there. In front
of people. Working,
playing, entertaining.
All with others.
Then there is a
breaking point,
usually when sleep
becomes erratic.
Tonight however,
your narrator
decided against the
crowd or the friend.
Instead i took
this night to myself
To clean out.
To have
hard-earned fun.
Solitary,
to do what i want, and
only what I want.
Sounds selfish,
but it was
a chance
to feel
fresh.

A chance to
get back
in-touch
with myself,
a chance to
please my mind and body
and to think about
whatever might
come to mind
Taking time out
to rest, then enjoy
a lone night
out, a date with
yourself. And I was
lucky, because
i am a fun date.
So i enjoyed my company.

It was out to stores
for little shopping,
then night capped off
with a movie
back at the same
theatre as last night
popcorn, soda,
and the same movie
(because i wanted
to see it a second time
soooo bad!!! And I
usually will only go
once to a movie, but
i plan on seeing
this a few more
times.) And a
calm drive home.
What fun!
To feel independent from
work, school, home
and have
a nice moment
to myself.

It might be a
while before i
need another
but they come
when needed.
Rarely, but the
decision is always
made when things
feel out-of-whack.

As for my sleeping
"sich" (in LVE & Companys'
new Indian language, i hope i
am minutely entitled to share it)
I plan on a
peaceful deep
slumber

Sweet Dreams...

"Dream About The Days To Come" - 12

A full movie
theatre. Action,
beauty, nostalgia
playing on the screen
I sat in silence,
still. Very still,
lonely. Very still.
But I noticed my
surrounding never
stopped. Using the
restroom ten times
constant trips to
refill the popcorn
and soda. And one
glutton, obnoxious,
prick right out of south jersey
just walked around, unable
to sit still.
Really?
We can't even enjoy
the movie without people
carrying on with their
busy lives?
So rushed, so
fast-lived, we've forgotten
how to stop.
STOP!!!!

But we can't stop and sit
We must flute our asses
around a movie theatre...
For what? Attention?
Because you won't
get any- considering
90% of this theatre is
just as bad as you all are.
But maybe some attention...
maybe...
...an entry for today.

It's time we re-learn
and rediscover how to
appreciate
art of the cinema.
patience.
Stopping our lives and putting
ourselves in the place our
actors take
us.
Let them
take you
away...
they will

But we can't anymore
We now have a subconscious
disrespect and ignorance
because of our "too-busy"
lives.
Must move...far away...soon...

Everyday is so full
of inspiration
You never know
when the perfect
subject will
come about

It's all a matter of finding
it. The rest of the job
is left to the pen-in-hand.

"Dream About The Days To Come" - 11

I am exhausted
Someone, long past my years,
asked about you today...

"Are you married?"
"No..."
"No, I didn't think you were. Do you have a girlfriend?"
"Yes ma'am"
"Are you two going steady?"

Steady? Going Steady?
Must be some terminology,
some slang they once
used in their time.
Yet something deep
in the far reaches of my
subconscious tells me it's meaning
I've used this phrase before
I've used it many times
It must have been in a past life
One we must have lived together.
I used this phrase when they asked
about us in that life...
So since i've used this
slang before regarding our
relationship in some other
far reach of time
I decided to use my same
answer:

"Yes, we're going steady"

And it flowed out the same way
comfortably, as if i've been using
the phrase all of my life
Is it strange then, that i've never
uttered the phrase?
Is it strange then,
that by some other
out-dated "status" we now fit?
Is it strange love?
No.

We're going steady...
...as they say...
...or we say...
...or said...

"Dream About The Days To Come" - 10

Another Day, moments
wasted slowly. I
despise these days,
where we go through
the motions. We forget
to appreciate all we
love. We are
taken back to
the boring dark
days when the
life was dry
When we felt
so lonely.

I remember them.
But now - so quiet
So serene. We see
the calmness of these days
What is left now?
We see fate slowly
closing in on us
Sleep traps us at times
He entices us in
pulls us closer.
Who knows what the day meant.
Slept away, then school,
then a phone call to a
friend. A sheer moment
of light happiness.
A reminder that i have
a wonderful life.

Remember... our
lives are wonderful,
no matter the track,
the reasons, the trials.
No matter the moments
I see us and its a
wonderful life.

It won't be long
I just need time
this is the bandit
of our lives. It's all
theory. Aging is the only
truth in life, and even
that becomes more shallow
as time (or whatever it is in the universe)
carries on.

Slowly, the longer this takes
the more i forget.
Sad, i know
But once i hear our
songs- the flood of
memories, of feelings
of love together rush back in.
I will forget briefly, making the
reminder more fluid and deeper
I look for you now. Perhaps thats what
my search has adjusted to.
You aren't just a person, but
you are a world to me.
You are music, beautiful music,
you are wine
food
air
sex
life
stars
so much
I might need to
live off of nothing.
Am I dependent?
No, selfish? no
but must i say,
my seasonal prayer has been answered.
I always pray during the winter,
for spring to come
and you have

"Dream About The Days To Come" - 9

I have a search
in me. Its a gene.
I wonder if anyone else
in my line is the same?
Scares me. They don't
succeed very far. They
are all the same. So
sometimes I go
further than they
have...and i take a
step back
and try to calculate
if i am able to be as
great as i want to be. I
see myself going far
but none of them have.
am i any of them?
Can i go further. I mean
I already have...further than
all of men who made me
and i am still young. I'm
ready for greatness...

Scary is it?
Don't be afraid
The search is
closing in.
The time is
getting shorter
The countdown
gets older
The hair
grayer- strange
I just say gray
in the mirror this morning.
There is more to this world
that we can imagine.
Which is good
but we often search
for it. What do we find?
Is it being found?

"Dream About The Days To Come" - 8

I am
writing all over
the page today,
waiting for them
to come. To let me
serve them. So many
people in my life. They
have been so good to me
Here, I give back, polietly
Honestly, I give back
ALl of them, they come
before me. And now
I put them before
me. I hope that
at this point
they find
happiness in
the kind
words
that i
offer them.
I really do.

I suddenly have realized that we are at the halfway point
on the notebook. Because i keep everything written down
in a notebook. Before i publish, i write it out. In ink on
paper. No typing. Nothing new. The same way man has
communicated his thoughts for hundreds of years.
I am still here. I feel it now. Now it is sinking in. You
really are THAT FAR AWAY. And further today. But this is
all written in the seam, the middle, where the two
halves make a whole. And where we realize we are half
way through our time apart. You said you didn't want to
return home. You must take your time. Settle. Let the
two halves make a whole. As ours have.

"Dream About The Days To Come" - 7

(1) early morning

Papers posted, a
certain message that
i reluctantly blew off
but slowly makes more
sense now. I feel connected
to all of them
It reads:
"We may not have it all together
but together we have it all"
When you are near me
when i feel you
or
when your words
are sent to me across
the planet, across
what now is time
and very much space
They are my new days
My breaths. They are
me- together
with you
I will be the first
to admit that i don't have
it all together, but i
will admit that
together -
and i dont know how you
feel,- but i know that
together- i am full.
you must feel the same way
Together i am no longer
searching alone
I feel that the search
births together

I never knew my
little search while
you were away,
my search to open up
to find whatever came my way
would lead me to God,
an intimate personal God
An awakening between
what i believe
and what they think i "should" believe
A search that brought me farther
from you than i've
ever been,
and closer to you
than i've ever imagined.
No one ever taught
me what true
pleasure is
They all taught me
me that pleasure
in any shape or for
must be an abomination -
at my age at least

Teach me what it is
help me find it
don't let me search it alone...
-------------------------
(2) midday

we communicated today
so nice to have one-on-one
without worrying if the other person
opens the sent message
oh for the love of technology
how marvelous
it has been
every word read from your
finger tips.
our conversation
our connection
even if it is only electronic...
1AM tuesday
3:30PM monday over here
I am still baffled by the time
i miss you but i feel your
words close to me I see the pictures
the water the sunsets the trees and most
lustfully, the location. So far from
all of them, so isolated. But we
all know what an exotic locale
can do to those isolated there
We've been there before

"If you try, you'll find me
Where the skies reach the sea
here am I, your special island
come to me, come to me" r&h
-------------------------
7(3) - NIGHT


PRINCIPLES OF MARKETING - BUS 221 - E1
Instructor: ROBERT POWELL
Instructional Center Rm. 432
6PM-9:10PM
MAY 19TH - JUNE 5TH, 2008
SUMMER SESSION #1
TAKEN FOR YOU
-
I could have taken
something less effort-some
but you recommended it
and i trust you with these things
i should
do this.

I am sitting here now
gray slacks
blue sweater over a white
button up with blue stripes
brown shoes, gray, slightly
balding
typical college professor
they say he is good.
but i'm guessing he's nothing
special, but we all know, however
to not follow first impressions...
sometimes
He hasn't spoken yet.
Glasses
smart?
This is for you love.
Sailing easy
The first class
i've taken out of
love for another person
Soft-voice
laid-back
easy going

here we go...

"Dream About The Days To Come" - 6

church today

"How to find Truth"
was the message of the
day. Telling me that
if you believe in what we
teach you will be called
intolerant, narrow-minded,
judgmental.
but
that's
okay
That teaching
tolerance in our school is
corrupting our youth

I dont thinking
tolerance
is the problem.

Notice...the nice ones,
the examples,
like me
are tolerant,
accepting, we dont
judge terribly.
Am I suppose
to be opposite of this?
Are we meant to be this way?
Aren't the corrupted ones
the intolerant,
judgemental,
narrow-minded
shallow, sheltered-from-the-world ones
who honestly think
there is only one
way??????????
Correct me if i'm wrong
but shouldn't God
want us to be tolerant,
to be perceptive to the
realities of the world?
Not brainwashed by
religious propaganda.
It must sicken Him when
he sees the travesties we have
done to each other because
we hate another type of person
and we hide behind God to
be "allowed" to hate them.
because no matter what
you want to call it
even if you want to
approach the "foreigners"
in a nice way
and still change them
then it's still hate
the way i see it.

and you...in India
do they teach their
devotion?
their prayers for the world
for peace
for our
own devotion.
Will they burn
in hell because
they are saying the
wrong prayers?
or aren't a certain way
or accepting of the way
the creator created?
tell me
i pray for you
over there and
i pray you might
find the solace
their lives teach
that you are in the midst of
and that i am forced away from
Stuck in their
"christian white nation"

just last week
i taught with my
talents against
everything they
taught me today...

i won't believe it.
nice try.

"Dream About The Days To Come" - 5

I've enjoyed pleasures tonight
self-indulging pleasures.
Food: pasta to perfection
shrimp, chicken, fries
and wine. All shared at
our dinner table
The mood very tense as
they talked about
a stupid washed out
lesson- or someone
who can't focus and
can't be self-sufficient
enough to finish the work
himself. These children
the ones that fail school
and have their parents
do the work for them. These kids...
what will happen to them
once out of college?
Will their mommies help
then, because they
certainly will hand-feed
them in college. Theses boys
and girls don't know.
They have no grasp on
the real world
only marked by a
mother that yells and
screams, but eventually gives in
and this teaches no lesson.

I slept most of the day
to escape them. But i also
read something. Slowly my
search is getting broader
and my steps are getting
quicker to what I'm looking for.
The book is teaching me
love, pleasure, devotion. I've been
brainwashed
into believing
that there is
only one
way to
God.
But we are part of
the univers and
there are many parts
weather we wish to believe
them or not. I must take them.
Someone told me once "I
think we all have to find our
own spiritual paths" And suddenly
it began to make very strange
very warm, and
very clear
sense.

Yet tomorrow
my parents ask me
to go back to that place.
Not that i hate it there
But I'm searching for my
way to God. It will
be my first time back
since my portrayal of the
evil Reverend. I am not
ready.
In preparation every night
for the role- to build my anger to
all good, I'd repeat back in my head all
the things that were taught to me
that i never
agreed
with.
EVER!
but was
forced down
my throat
because it
was the
"only way"
narrow-minded
ill-confident
selflessness.
Afraid of our
own shadows.
Afraid of what
our body
tells us.
Repressing
our feelings
they must be sins.

God is here
He is real
He wants me
I must find my
path to him...

The fifth day brought me
closer to you than
i've ever been.

If you can hear me
study the japa mala
and pick one up
for me
if
you get a change
you are in my prayers

"Dream About The Days To Come" - 4

The green glass
reflects my face
but only mine. A
glass of deep purple.
Last time i had the red
wine i was with you.
I look into the glass
Into the reflection
of the liquid. I see
your face in my third
fill. My head spins
unnaturally.
My mind whirls
It opens
I see you
Slowly you come
into focus I see the
past moments
when we kissed
"I love you too...
you know that?"

of course i
know that.
And after my
third glass
the truth is that
i want all of you
I am afraid sometimes
Not normal We should
have certain instincts
Perhaps i am not
some sick pig
or i don't react that way
i should.
carefully taught to fear!
But my mind cancels
the functions.
I want you
I love you
You are my glass of wine
my second
and my
third.

"Dream About The Days To Come" - 3

I feel something
it might be my
dinner not agreeing
with my stomach
Another thought...
I am searching
for something
Searching. And I
hope to find it by
the end of this
period of continuum
The next 12 days
is all thats left.
The deadline. Am i
suppose to be upset
that you are on the
"flip side" ??
Because i dont know
what to feel
there are plenty
of times
i might have failed
you. Will you
return to
me?
Will you still
love me on
your return?
Is my body
strong enough
for you?
my arms, my
muscles, my
torso, my legs
my brain?
Do not answer these
questions
Let me have them.
let me think them out

I need to get out
of this. Soon I
will be as you are.
All around the world
With much patience
I will catch up
Patience on both sides
Still in search.
Not of a person...just...searching...
Nor for a thing.
Neither an answer.
Just searching
for what might
be meant to be.
I will find it
I am not searching
for anything, only
for whatever might fall
upon me in the days
to come.

Enjoy the party
and I'll enjoy mine.

"Dream About The Days To Come" - 2

Early,
sitting in a
stuffy office
for orientation at
the job. Trying
to keep my eyes
open, but briefly
they close, and drift
to other images.
the ones i've created
in my mind.
oh those fascinations!
it is then that the drone of
her words fuse together
meld into some stew of
whatever might be more
important, and for a
fraction of
time the
image of
you rushes
into my
mind.

strange what only
two days can harbor
Reminds me of the
20 years we were apart
I only saw you
once before. I know
i did. And only brief
seconds of the show
can be recollected
I remember the song
but not the person
it was so long ago,
i dont remember
any of them.
but just the thought
that on that day i
saw you.
oblivious
to the future
we might have
together. the
history, the
feelings, the emotions
YES here in the stuffy
office my blood surges
through my body,
deep and dark
having this
stranger with a wig
talk about useless skills
yet in the neighboring room
a fuzzy radio pours out
dramatic classical melodies
energized
romantic
classing
brinking on a feeling
to come, a kiss to ensue

this place is clean
nice. the people
are in another time
a time i was meant to
see but never did.
why do i feel an odd
connection
like i've seen them
some of them
before
somewhere else
younger.
much younger.
they knew me
and i knew them
we were equal
but now they are
less able
and i am unchanged
outside: youth
"the all-american boy, probably
out playing football with his
buddies" as one lady described me
inside: torture
some of them i saw in
a drive-in. a pharmacy while
picking up a bottle of coke
backseat of a car in an
abandoned lot having
a cigarette with another.
its just a strange idea in my head
but why do i remember details
bits of the conversations...
will i age?

do what i must
but keep searching
you...so far away
i am starting to
recognize it now
you really are
there. and i am
always here
always for you

"Dream About The Days To Come" - 1

(randomly at work, i grabbed a pocket journal that i was carrying in my back pocket and began to write about distance, considering LVE is on the opposite side of the planet, strange feelings...just the fact that she is in another day - monday, and it's still sunday over here. existence. baffles me. Have a safe trip love!)

I still can
feel you here
like you've never
gone away
As If you still
might be down
in your home.
No alteration of
emotions except
that I've kissed you
goodbye the night before last
and tonight you
are on the other
side of the
planet

We were as close as two
humans could get
and now as far away as
two humans can be
save for death
apart in location
but i feel together with
the thought of the kiss

A long day for me
and one ahead
Might she think of me
a brief moment as she forgets
the rest of us...as she should!
That you might return fresh
changed...

my body is here
but my energy spans
the globe

tormented

dont fade
not this way
not like this
this is not us
shards of sanity
torments of pressure
where do
we say enough
where do
we pick up
the pieces
where do
we go
from
here.

its not
meant to
be this way
is this how they
really are?
never knowing
what they want?
is this what
real is?
is this who you
gave so much to?
do they bite
the hands
that feed them?

might i?
might i tenderly
quietly, slowly
with great caution?
might i gingerly
move towards your
figure?
might i hesitantly
outstretch gentle
fingers in yours?
might i slowly
without a rhythm
close my eyes?
and gently kiss
the lips of
the
one
tormented with
the surrounding
darkly?
might i tell
her tonight
that i love her?
that i've never
stopped loving her?
might she reply?
might she disappear
to the other side of
the world?
might we share a
moment?
a few seconds?
anything?
this runs my
mind, i dare not
ask...
i dare not
deserve her
but i will dare myself

"my life seems unreal
my crime, an illusion,
a scene badly written
in which i must play
yet i know as i gaze
at my young love beside me
the morning is just a few
hours away" s&g

caught

you never fail
you always have me
we fall sometimes
and i will catch
but as a human
i can only
hope for
you to
be here
for me when
i'm as i shouldn't be
for me when
i need your touch
for me when
i yearn for laughter
for me when
i need something beautiful
to gaze upon
for me when
i need to be caught.
and i will be there for you
and i will play you
the music and sing
you the tunes and
act you the words
and enough of us will
be caught
caught in love
caught in our
conditions
caught in time
and suddenly
caught
timeless
for each other
always
always
always...

"True, it may seem like a stretch
But it's thoughts like this
That catch my troubled head
When you're away, when
I am missing you to death"
-I&W

catch me

i've been
wondering
recently
if i am
slowly
slip
ing
a
w
a
y

there
is an ache
in my throat
something must
have been strained
when i belted out those
songs i'd hadn't heard in
such a very long time
and perhaps it wont
make everyone
happy but i
cant help
their

Fight To Be Noticed

it goes from my throat
to the back of my
neck to my
chest to
my head
to my
eyes
and
eve
ryt
hi
ng
e
l
s
e

seriously, i try these lines
i try these characters
i try the motions
i try i try i try
i want them
all to know
i want to
be all that
i can be for
you but
tonight
i felt
dry and
sick and
as if i
might
be su
dden
ly sl
ipp
ing
aw
ay.
...
...
..
..
.
.
.

"i was meant
to raise these
hands with
quiet all
about
me"
-the decemberists

you should have seen yourself

you should
have seen
yourself
the light
lit darkness
with shadows
sharp across
our faces
we look to
our sides
and see each other
we look to
the front
and see the brick
wall of the 100
year old beauty.
if only we were
100 and just
as beautiful

and like it
we must clear
out the debris
rebuild
re-light
reset
and rediscover
what magic
passed before
and bring it back
but like each
great show
an ending
a cross roads
we face our
difficulties
our weaknesses
and find what makes
us compatible
and not
we find in
our moments
of fear, what makes
us look fierce is
only fear with
strength driving it
and we've found it

you should
have seen
yourself
pouring out
letting me
know
who you are
holding my
hand as i
discover the
human condition
God is not something
we should learn about
in church
Philosophy is not something
we should learn about
in school
Life is not something
we should be told
Life experience will
teach of all of these
great mysteries
if you hold my hand
"i feel an energy between us
can i hold your hand?
i like the contact"

no matter the
tempest of feelings
no matter the
complications
no matter if
we stay or go
just hold my hand

"So never leave me lonely
Tell me you love me only
And that you'll always let it be me"
-everly brothers

to speak frankly

a Polymath
once wrote that
"nothing is worth
more
than this day"
and i think
nothing truer
might have
encapsulated
the essence
of our time
here.

there
is something
basic
yet complex
there
is something
strange and mysterious
something mystics
can't explain
something in
me
with you
that was discovered
and flourished
and
produced a light
that glows
in our veins
in our mind
and in
our meaning
and our faults
and our victories

rediscovered
when i see
the pictures
when i listen
to the sounds
and when i see
your name
painted the town.
it is rediscovered
every morning when
i awake
for you are
my first thought
and when
i lay to
rest
for you
are my
last
prayer
of thanks

to speak
frankly,
your kisses
rediscover me
they are
the fresh
the organic
the rhythms
in my ears
the throbs
in my chest
and...
you...
are my rediscovery
and every moment
is worth the most
no matter
the time
the place
the situation
the circumstance.
every time we are
apart i yearn to
shout what once
was spoken
"Come back
so I can tell you,
I know what matters
now-you" (r&h)

to speak frankly,
i love you

"there's no need to
complicate
our time is short
this is our fate,
i'm yours" -j.mraz

any night any day...

caught with
pencils between
my ear
a story
not forgotten
a feeling
reminded
in your eyes

ice outside
times are
fast
with moon
glows and
an icy breeze
barren brown death
under the clouds
in two thousand
and eight

but then you
appear
your eyes
and your face
and your body
radiated in the
sunlight
as the clouds clear
as there is no
roof
there are no
boundries
there is nothing
keeping our thoughts
sane
we are
overtaken
with glow
as the barren maples
and oaks turn back
to lush
palms
and the
dead grass
turns to
warm
sand
and the ice
melts to
clear blue
oceans
and you and i
are every bit
of nineteen-forty-nine
once more
for a moment together
and an eternity in though
there are no boundries
here
there are no stops
i've kept to myself
back there
but here
when i'm with you
i feel it
the warmth
in my blood
our skin together
hot and soaked
and moving

a slight breeze blows
the sun never sets here
the love
never
ends
the magic
remains
months after
suddenly i feel it
in the soft bed
the hard floors
the crinkle of the
quilt
and brushing of
the sheets
the connection
the movement
and i need
not reminder
of my madness
is love madness?
does it matter?

no

there are no boundries here
only love
only hope
only you
and i
and whatever
music we set
our lives to

whatever
island
calls
you...

for you, glow

silent passings
quiet understandings
running
out
of words

loud stares
short calls
minutes
questioned
and moments
left behind

if walls
could talk
they would
tell us their stories
and
they will
with those
that lived them
that kissed them
that bled them
that paid for them

and you

will it
kill
you?

so many decision
i see the tension
i hear
too many of those
wanting
to feel the life
without living it
everything
so
quick
so
foggy
so
industrial
yet so alive
so un-programed
so creative
so organic
and beautiful
and tall
and strong

think
not of it
as your doom
think
not of it
as your destiny
think of it
merely as
your
blank
canvas

and
make
your
art

paint the pictures
dance the routines
act the scenes
sculpt the statues
sing the songs
and bring light
shine to
believe

and if you
show it
a fraction
of the love that
you've
shown
me
then it will
be the finest
of it's wine

and when
its finished
let us enjoy it
or let them have it
so we
may run
away
and watch
blue eyes
for you
glow

"I remember every detail
of the day we met"
-s&c bowman

i love you
every time

i can smell the grease-paint

electricity runs
through their
veins
the smiles
the laughs
the hope
the questions
the introductions
"what are you selling?"
someone asked
"nothing, but wait until you hear this..."
i replied
there was such
an ethereal
energy
that has finally
been sparked
such a rebirth
for the mind
finally
the seed of hope
planted today

wading through the
rain and puddles
i saw the sun
in their eyes
the best
was one man's
yell...
i explained to him
the matters
and his first
reactions were
eyes lit on fire
arms flung in the air
and hopping
up and down
while giving a very
loud piercing
yelp for joy
"WHOOOO"
a call to his wife
who soon met us
"the best news i've heard"
they jumped
and danced around
"back before modern advances
in stage make up
we used greasepaint
and i can still smell it"
he told me

"i can smell it already"
he left me with...

the energy
of this place
the energy
of town
the energy
of our universe
the energy
of this day
the energy
of the people
of their lives
of their joy
the energy
only EVER
matched and
duplicated
by the energy one feels...

...on stage

"follow every rainbow
till you find your dream..."
-r&h

it must be summer time

something feels great
things feel swell
i can't explain it
maybe i can
everything shimmers
everything glistens
it must be
summer time
in this bedroom
which i write from
spring must have
gotten a head start
today
the groundhog
missed his shadow
my body changes with
the seasons
i feel completely different
when in the summer time
as opposed to
the winter
i suddenly
feel like
i am in
the summer time
these moments
must give us
hope
faith

i am
smitten
with our summer time

"truly this is what heaven must feel like!"
-SA

The day the world went flat and bankrupt

If i had a penny
for every time
i missed you
the world
would go
bankrupt

if i had a mountain
for every time
i wanted
to kiss
you
the
world
would go
flat.

it was yesterday
when i realized
that i had all the
pennies and
mountains
for missing
you
and wanting
to kiss you
they were some
nice pennies
and mountains.
but it was nothing
without you to
enjoy it
with me

if you
could ever
know how much
i love you
how i would
never try
to be
selfish
to be distant
to leave you
with some
great task
as i take a
field day
if i had looked
at it through
your eyes
i suppose
i'd feel your
feelings.
so i apologize
if i had looked
at it through
your eyes
i would have...
i would have..
...well...
if, through your eyes,
the world looks as
beatiful as you do
i'd look through
your eyes anyday

but looking into them is
just fine for now.
i love you
happy valentines day

my lightning

a king once wrote
"many women do
noble things
but you
surpass
them
all"

i love you
yet i'm
so
frustrated
with myself
i havent
the words
the songs
enough
to be able
to express it.

but today the
weather was
so warm
and if i could
compare
how i feel
to anything
it's the perfect weather
we had today
when we were together
it was so warm
and if you are
ever in
february
and wondering
how much i love you
think of today
the warmth
and thats how
i feel when we
are together
and if you want
to know how i feel
when we aren't
together...
look outside
and take notice
of the thunderstorm
and rain
and know as you're
looking outside
i am also
gazing
out my window

you are my
lightning
out in the
distance

i love you so much

You are not a star

We can
separate
from our
lives
we can
go foward
we can
go back
but i take
my time
slow and steady
does not always
win the
race
but i need
what i need
and i know
what that
is now
i have
my plans
i
have
my goals
and i
will win
and no one
will stand in
my way
like i said...
"I know this will happen"
just be
patient
im not saying
stop
im not saying
wait
get everything
done!
get it done as
efficiently
as possible!
we will
i know
we
will

and i love you
so much
but not
because
you are
my star
i dont see
you as a star
a star is so
small
and it's light
takes forever
to reach me
dont be the star
be the sky
the vast expanse
of everything
when i look at the sky
i see all of the stars
and when i look
at you
i see
the
sun

I've Been to The End of the World

it's true
i haven't traveled
much
but i've
been to the
end of the world
and i'm
back from it.
I've seen where
the last
street has
been paved
where the atmosphere
meets outer-space
and where an old tree stands with many names carved in it
where the last
breath has
been taken
where the love
can be taken
from you

instantly...

i am
young
and very
much alive
and carefree
and happy
and very much
in-love
and i fear
not what others
think of me
what is it
their buisness
what i do with the
time i am alotted
on this planet.
I am only so young
and carefree
and happy
because i know
how precious
life is
i know
i know
i know
how dark this
world
is
how selfish
people are
how evil and cold
people can be
i appreciate life
because it can
be taken from
me
or you
at any given second
on any given day

I remember
very vividly
a random second
on a random day
in september
when someone i was
very much in-love
with
was taken
suddenly
quickly
away from me
away from the world
away from her family
her friends
oh i loved her very much
but i learned how quick life is

much too quick
so quick it's not fair
I experianced
the tears
the screams of anguish
and terrors in the night
the nightmares
the daymares
the face of the world laughing back at you
the face of God turning away
for a brief second
I know what happens when someone becomes
so grained into your life,
that when
they go
part of you goes too...
for two years
i was not able to feel pain
i was invincible
i had two relationships
and was unable to feel it
unable to die until
my time comes
i was ready to go
at any given second
on any day
any time
no concern whatsoever
the dead cannot feel pain
and part of me was dead
so i felt no pain
or love
for a long time
which was painful
and cold
in itself
because at any given day
"feeling" might return
and i thought that i was
a cold
soul-less
body
still pumping
blood
but one day
suddenly
with a turn of my head
with a glance
a few words
a look, across
a crowded room
on a flight of stairs
"feeling" returned
and i went wild
but i still appreciate
life.

so before i am judged
before you think
that i am naive
before they think
you can
hurt me
or destory
my life
or
kill me
remember:
i've been hurt
before
i've been destoryed
before
and i've died
before

and i'm back
and i'm selective
and i know when something is right
and this is right
and this is love
and i love you

So...
if they tell you
he's YOUNG
he's NAIVE
he's FRAGILE
...ask them if they've ever been to the End of the World
if they have, then i send my deepest sympathy
and if they haven't
i will
gladly direct
them
to the
tree
at the End of the World
that i once
carved my name on